Chapter 3 - Review

Chapter 3 - Listening in Human Communication

The Importance of Listening: Task and Relationship Benefits – effective listening (the process of receiving, constructing meaning from, and responding to spoken and/or nonverbal messages) serves important task and relationship functions.

·         Various studies have shown that effective listeners are more likely to emerge of as group leaders, salespeople, managers, and health care workers.

·         Various studies suggest that we spend more time listening than engaging in any other communicative activity.

    Effective listening leads to numerous benefits including the following abilities:

·         to learn: to acquire knowledge of others, the world and yourself; to avoid problems and difficulties; to make more reasoned and reasonable decisions

·         to relate: you are more likely to gain social acceptance if you are an attentive and supportive listener

·         to influence: people are more likely to respect and follow those they feel have listened to and understood them

·         to play: knowing when to engage in appreciative and accepting listening is crucial to effective communication

·         to help: through effective listening people empathize and come to understand others’ perspectives more deeply

KNOWLEDGE OBJECTIVES

After completing this chapter, students should be able to:

·         Define listening and its five stages and apply the suggestions for increasing accuracy at each of these stages.

·         Describe the four major barriers to effective listening and apply the suggestions for effectiveness in your own listening behavior.

·         Identify the five styles of listening and listen in the appropriate style for the specific situation.

·         Explain the major cultural and gender differences found in listening and assess their influence on your own communication/listening

SKILLS OBJECTIVES

After completing this chapter, students should:

·         listen more effectively during each of the five listening stages

·         adjust their listening so that it is more effective for a specific situation

·         listen with an awareness of cultural and gender differences

In light of Facebook, Twitter, wikis, and blogs, we need to expand the traditional definition of listening as the receiving and processing of auditory signals. If posting messages on social media sites is part of human communication (which it surely is), then reading these messages must also be part of human communication and most logically a part of listening.

Listening, then, may now be defined as the process of receiving, understanding, remembering, evaluating, and responding to verbal and/or nonverbal messages. The skills of listening will prove crucial to you in both your professional and personal lives. In today's workplace listening is regarded as a crucial skill. Employees' communication skills are especially significant in this era of technological transformation; workers' advancement will depend on their ability to speak and write effectively, to display proper etiquette, and to listen attentively. In a survey of 40 CEOs of Asian and Western multinational companies, respondents cited a lack of listening skills as the major shortcoming of top executives. There can be little doubt that listening skills play a crucial role in developing and maintaining a variety of interpersonal relationships. When asked what they want in a partner, women overwhelmingly reply, "a partner who listens." And most men would agree that they too want a partner who listens. Among friends, listening skills rank consistently high; in fact, it would be hard to think of a person as a friend if that person were not a good listener. The effective listener is more likely to emerge as group leader and a more effective salesperson, healthcare worker, and manager. Medical educators, claiming that doctors are not trained to listen to their patients, have introduced what they call "narrative medicine" to teach doctors how to listen to their patients and to recognize how their perceptions of their patients are influenced by their own emotions. Here we look at the importance of listening, the nature of the listening process, the major barriers to listening effectiveness, varied styles of listening for different situations, and some cultural and gender differences in listening.

Stages of Listening

According to our contemporary definition, listening is a collection of skills involving:

(1) attention and concentration (receiving)

(2) learning (understanding)

(3) memory (remembering)

(4) critical thinking (evaluation)

(5) feedback (responding)

You can enhance your listening ability by strengthening these skills, which make up the five steps of the listening process.

Note that the process of listening is circular: The response of person A stimulates a response from person B, which stimulates a response from person A, and so on. All five stages overlap. When you listen, you're performing all five processes at essentially the same time.

For example, when listening in conversation, you're not only paying attention to what other people are saying but also critically evaluating what they just said and perhaps giving feedback. Let's take a look at each stage separately.

RECEIVING

Hearing (which is not the same as listening), begins and ends with the first stage of the listening process, receiving. Hearing happens when you get within range of some auditory stimulus. Listening, on the other hand, begins only when the messages the speaker sends are received, or heard. At the receiving stage, you note not only what is said (verbally and nonverbally) but also what is omitted.

For example, you receive not only the politician's summary of accomplishments in education but also his or her omission of failures in health care or pollution control.

This receiving stage of listening can he made more effective if you follow these suggestions:

• Focus attention on the speaker's verbal and nonverbal messages, on what is said and what is not said-not on what you'll say next.

• Maintain your role as listener by not interrupting the speaker.

• Avoid assuming you understand what the speaker is going to say before he or she actually says it.

In this brief discussion of receiving, and in fact throughout this chapter on listening, the unstated assumption is that both individuals can receive auditory signals without difficulty. But for many people who have hearing impairments, listening present a variety of problems. The section below provides tips for communication between people with and people without hearing loss.

If you have unimpaired hearing:

Set up a comfortable context - Reduce the distance between yourself and the person with a hearing impairment; reduce background noise; make sure the lighting is adequate.

Avoid interference - Make sure the visual cues from your speech are clearly observable; face the person squarely and avoid smoking, chewing gum, or holding your hand over your mouth.

Speak at an adequate volume - But avoid shouting, which can distort your speech and may insult the person; be careful to avoid reducing volume at the ends of your sentences.

Phrase ideas in different ways - Because some words are easier to lip-read than others, it often helps if you can rephrase your ideas in different words.

Avoid overlapping speech - In group situations only one person should speak at a time; similarly, direct your comments to the person with hearing loss himself or herself; don't talk to the person through a third party.

Ask for additional information - Ask the person if there is anything you can do to make it easier for him or her to understand you.

Don't avoid common terms - Use terms like hear, listen, music, or deaf when they're relevant to the conversation. Trying to avoid these common terms will make your speech sound artificial.

Use nonverbal cues - Nonverbals can help communicate your meaning; gestures indicating size or location and facial expressions indicating feelings are often helpful.

If you have impaired hearing:

Do your best to eliminate background noise - Reduce the distance between yourself and the speaker; reduce background noise; make sure the lighting is adequate.

Move closer to the speaker if this helps you hear better - Alert the speaker that this closer distance will help you hear better.

Ask for adjustments - If you feel the speaker can make adjustments, ask the speaker to repeat a message, to speak more slowly, or to increase volume.

Position yourself for best reception - If you hear better in one ear than another, position yourself accordingly and, if necessary, clue the speaker in to this fact.

Ask for additional cues - If necessary, ask the speaker to write down certain information, such as phone numbers or website addresses. Carrying a pad and pencil will prove helpful for this and in the event that you wish to write something down for others.

UNDERSTANDING

Understanding occurs when you decode the speaker's signals, when you learn what the speaker means. Understanding means grasping both the thoughts that are expressed and the emotional tone that accompanies them-for example, the urgency, joy, or sorrow expressed in the message. The understanding phase of listening can be made more effective if you follow these suggestions:

• Relate the speaker's new information to what you already know.

• See the speaker's messages from the speaker's point of view, in part by not judging the message until it's fully understood as the speaker intended it.

• Rephrase/paraphrase the speaker's ideas, a simple process that's especially important when listening to complicated instructions.

REMEMBERING

Effective listening depends on remembering. When Joe says his mother is ill, the effective listener remembers this and inquires about her health later in the week. Perhaps the most important point to understand about memory is that what you remember is not what was said but what you remember was said. Memory for speech is not reproductive: you don't simply reproduce in your memory what the speaker said. Rather, memory is reconstructive; you actually reconstruct the messages you hear into a system that makes sense to you. If you want to remember what someone says or the names of various people, this information needs to pass from your short-term memory (the memory you use, say, to remember a phone number just long enough to dial it) into long-term memory. Short-term memory is very limited in capacity=you can hold only a small amount of information there. Long-term memory is unlimited.

Here are four suggestions for facilitating the passage of information from short-term to long-term memory:

·         Focus your attention on the central ideas. Even in the most casual of conversations, there are central ideas. Fix these in your mind. Repeat these ideas to yourself as you continue to listen. Avoid focusing on minor details that often lead to detours in listening and in conversation,

·         Organize what you hear; summarize the message in a more easily retained form, but take care not to ignore crucial details or qualifications. If you chunk the material into categories, you'll be able to remember more information. For example, if you want to remember 15 or 20 items to buy in the supermarket, you'll remember more if you group them into chunks-say, produce, canned goods, and meats.

·         Unite the new with the old; relate new information to what you already know. Avoid treating new information as totally apart from all else you know. There's probably some relationship and if you identify it, you're more like to remember the new material.

·         Repeat names and key concepts to yourself or, if appropriate, out loud. By repeating the names or key concepts, you in effect rehearse these names and concepts, and as a result they'll be easier to learn and remember. If you're introduced to Alice, you'll stand a better chance of remembering her name if you say, "Hi, Alice" than if you say just "Hi:'

EVALUATING

Evaluating consists of judging the messages you hear. At times you may try to evaluate the speaker's underlying intent, often without much conscious awareness. For example, Elaine tells you she is up for a promotion and is really excited about it, You may then try to judge her intention. Does she want you to use your influence with the company president? Is she preoccupied with the possible promotion and therefore telling everyone? Is she looking for a pat on the back? Generally, if you know a person well, you will be able to identify his or her intention and respond appropriately. In other situations, your evaluation may be more like critical analysis. For example, in a business meeting on upgrading office equipment, you would evaluate the office manager's proposals while listening to them. As you listen, you'd be asking yourself, "Are the proposals practical? Will they increase productivity? What is the evidence? Are there more practical alternatives?"

Follow these three steps to make the evaluation stage of listening more effective:

Resist evaluating until you fully understand the speaker's point of view.

Assume that the speaker is a person of goodwill and give the speaker the benefit of any doubt by asking for clarification on issues you object to (e.g., are there any other reasons for accepting this new proposal").

Distinguish facts from opinions and personal interpretations and identify any biases, self-interests, or prejudices that may lead the speaker to slant unfairly what is presented.

RESPONDING

Responding occurs in two forms:

(1) responses you make while the speaker is talking

(2) responses you make after the speaker has stopped talking. Responses made while the speaker is talking should he supportive and should acknowledge that you're listening.

These responses are called backchanneling cues - messages (words and gestures) that let the speaker know you're paying attention, as when you nod in agreement or say, "I see" or "Uh-huh!' Responses after the speaker has stopped talking are generally more elaborate and might include empathy ("I know how you must feel"); requests for clarification ("Do you mean this new health plan will replace the old plan, or will it only be a supplement?"); challenges ("I think your evidence is weak"); and/or agreement ("You're absolutely right, and I'll support your proposal when it comes up for a vote").

 

You can improve this responding phase of listening by following these suggestions:

·         Express support and understanding for the speaker throughout the conversation.

·         Use varied backchanneling cues (for example, nodding, using appropriate facial expressions, or saying "I see") that tell the speaker that you're listening.

·         Own your own responses; that is, state your thoughts and feelings as your own, using I-messages-for example, saying, "I don't agree" rather than "No one will agree with that."

·         Avoid the common problem-causing listening responses, such as being static or overly expressive, giving feedback that is monotonous and not responsive to the messages, avoiding eye contact, or appearing preoccupied with, say, a cell phone.

Ethical listening

As a listener you have at least two ethical obligations (generally):

·         You owe the other person an honest hearing without prejudgment, putting aside prejudices and preconceptions as best you can, at the same time, you owe the person your best effort at understanding emotionally as intellectually what he or she means. This does not mean, however, that there are not situations when you don’t owe the speaker a fair hearing.

·         You owe the other person honest responses. Just as you should be honest with the listener while speaking, you should be honest the speaker when listening. This means giving open and honest feedback and also reflecting honestly on the questions the speaker raises. Again this does not mean there are not situations in which you do not owe the speaker an honest response.

These obligations, as you might have guessed, will vary with the relationship between yourself and the other person. If this "other person" is a life partner then your obligations are considerable. If this "other person” is a stranger, your obligations are less. Generally, as the intimacy of a relationship increases, so do your obligations to serve as a supportive and honest listener.

Listening Barriers

In addition to practicing the various skills for each stage of listening, consider some of the common barriers to listening, here are four such barriers and some suggestions for dealing with them as both listener and speaker, because both speaker and listener are responsible for effective listening.

DISTRACTIONS: PHYSICAL AND MENTAL

Physical barriers might include hearing impairment, a noisy environment, or loud music. Multitasking (for example, trying to watch TV and listen to someone at the same time) with the aim of being supportive simply doesn't work. As both listener and speaker, try to remove whatever physical barriers can be removed; for those that you can't remove, adjust your listening and speaking to lessen the effects as much as possible, As a listener, focus on the speaker; you can attend to the room and the other people later. Mental distractions too get in the way of focused listening. These barriers may take the form of thinking about your upcoming Saturday night date or becoming too emotional to think (and listen) clearly. When listening, recognize that you can think about your date or other distracting thoughts later, In speaking, make what you say compelling and relevant to the listener.

BIASES AND PREJUDICES

In biased and prejudiced listening, you hear what the speaker is saying through stereotypes, this type of listening occurs when you listen differently to a person because of his or her race, affectional orientation, age, or gender when these characteristics are irrelevant to the message. Such listening can occur in a wide variety of situations. For example, when you dismiss a valid argument or attribute validity to an invalid argument because the speaker is of a particular race, affectional orientation, age, or gender, you're listening with prejudice. However, there are many instances in which these characteristics are pertinent to your evaluation of the message. For example, the sex of a speaker talking about pregnancy, fathering a child, birth control, or surrogate motherhood probably is, most would agree, relevant to the message. So, in these cases it is not sexist listening to take the gender of the speaker into consideration. It is, however, sexist listening to assume that only one gender can be an authority on a particular topic or that one gender's opinions are without value. The same is true when listening through the filter of a person's race, affectional orientation, or age.

LACK OF APPROPRIATE FOCUS

Focusing on what a person is saying is necessary for effective listening-yet there are many influences that can lead you astray. For example, Listeners often get lost because they focus on irrelevancies, such as an especially vivid example that conjures up old memories. Try not to get detoured from the main idea. Try to repeat the idea to yourself and sec the details in relation to this main concept. As a speaker, try to avoid language or examples that may divert attention from your main idea. Another misplaced focus is often on the responses a listener is going to make while the speaker is still speaking. Anticipating how you're going to respond or what you're going to say (and even interrupting the speaker) prevents you from hearing the message in full. Instead, make a mental note of something and then get back to listening. As a speaker, when you feel someone is preparing to argue with you, ask him or her to hear you out: "I know you disagree with this, but let me finish and we'll get back to that”.

PREMATURE JUDGMENT

Perhaps the most obvious form of premature judgment is assuming you know what the speaker is going to say and that there's no need to really listen. Let the speaker say what he or she is going to say before you decide that you already know it. As a speaker, it's often wise to assume that listeners will do exactly this, so make clear that what you're saying will be unexpected. A common listener reaction is to draw conclusions or judgments on incomplete evidence. Sometimes, listeners will stop listening after hearing, for example, an attitude they disagree with or some sexist or culturally insensitive remark. Instead, this is a situation that calls for especially concentrated listening so that you don't rush to judgment. Wait for the evidence or argument; avoid making judgments before you gather all the information. Listen first, judge second. As a speaker, he aware of this tendency and, when you feel this is happening, ask for a suspension of judgment. A simple "Hear me out" is often sufficient.

Styles of Effective Listening

As stressed throughout this chapter, effective listening is situational listening-appropriate listening that will vary with the situation, each set of circumstances calling for a different combination of listening styles.

The art of effective listening is in making appropriate choices along the following five dimensions:

(1) empathic and objective listening

(2) nonjudgmental and critical listening

(3) surface and depth listening

(4) polite and impolite listening

(5) active and inactive listening.

These dimensions exist on a continuum with, say, extremely empathic at one end and extremely objective at the other end. Most, if not all, listening exists somewhere between these extremes. Yet, there will be an emphasis toward one side or the other depending on the specifics of the communication situation. 

EMPATHIC AND OBJECTIVE LISTENING

To understand what a person means and what a person is feeling, you need to listen with some degree of empathy. To empathize with others is to feel with them: to see the world as they see it and to feel what they feel. Empathic Listening will also help you enhance your relationship. To express empathy, it's often helpful to do so in two ways, corresponding to the two parts of true empathy: thinking empathy and feeling empathy. In thinking empathy you express an understanding of what the person means. For example, when you paraphrase someone's comment, showing that you understand the meaning the person is trying to communicate, you're demonstrating thinking empathy. The second part of empathy is feeling empathy; here you express your ability to feel what the other person is feeling. For example, if a friend tells you of problems at home, you might respond by saying, "Your problems at home do seem to be getting worse. I can imagine how you feel so angry at times."

Although for most communication situations empathic listening is the preferred mode of responding, there are times when you need to go beyond it and to measure the speaker's meanings and feelings against some objective reality. It's important to listen as Peter tells you how the entire world hates him and to understand how he feels and why he feels this way (empathic listening). But then you need to look a bit more objectively at the situation and perhaps see Peter's-paranoia or self-hatred (objective listening). Sometimes you have to put your empathic responses aside and listen with objectivity and detachment. 

In adjusting your empathic and objective listening focus, keep the following recommendations in mind:

Punctuate from the speaker's point of view. That is, see the sequence of events as the speaker does and try to figure out how this perspective can influence what the speaker says and does.

Engage in equal, two-way conversation. To encourage openness and empathy, try to eliminate any physical or psychological barriers to equality; for example, step from behind the large desk separating you from your employees. Avoid interrupting the speaker-a sure sign that you think what you have to say is more important.

Seek to understand both thoughts and feelings. Don't consider your listening task finished until you've understood what the speaker is feeling as well as thinking.

Avoid "offensive listening" -the tendency to listen to bits and pieces of information that will enable you to attack the speaker or find fault with something the speaker has said.

Strive to be objective when listening to friends and foes alike. Guard against "expectancy hearing:' in which you fail to bear what the speaker is really saying and instead hear what you expect.

NONJUDGMENTAL AND CRITICAL LISTENING

Effective listening includes both nonjudgmental and critical responses. You need to listen nonjudgmentally-with an open mind and with a view toward understanding. But you also need to listen critically-with a view toward making some kind of evaluation or judgment. Clearly, it's important to listen first for understanding while suspending judgment. Only after you've fully understood the relevant messages should you evaluate or judge. Supplement open-minded listening with critical listening. Listening with an open mind will help you understand the messages better; listening with a critical mind will help you analyze and evaluate the messages.

In adjusting your nonjudgmental and critical listening, focus on the following guidelines:

Avoid filtering out or oversimplifying difficult or complex messages. Similarly, avoid filtering out undesirable messages. Clearly, you don't want to hear that something you believe is untrue or that ideals you hold are self-destructive. Yet it's important that you reexamine your beliefs by listening to these messages.

Recognize your own biases. These may interfere with accurate listening and cause you to distort message reception through a process of assimilation-the tendency to integrate and adapt what you hear or think you hear to your own biases, prejudices, and expectations.

Combat the tendency to sharpen-to highlight, emphasize, and perhaps embellish one or two aspects of a message. See the message as a whole.

SURFACEAND DEPTH LISTENING

In most messages there's an obvious meaning that you can derive from a literal reading of the words and sentences. But in reality, most messages have more than one level of meaning. Sometimes the other level is the opposite of the literal meaning; at other times it seems totally unrelated. Consider some frequently heard types of messages. Carol asks you how you like her new haircut. On one level, the meaning is clear: Do you like the haircut? But there's also another and perhaps more important level: Carol is asking you to say something positive about her appearance. In the same way, the parent who complains about working hard at the office or in the home may, on a (deeper level, be asking for an expression of appreciation.

To recognize these other meanings, you need to engage in depth listening. If you respond only to the surface-level communication (i.e., the literal meaning), you miss the opportunity to make meaningful contact with the other person's feelings and needs. If you say to the parent, "You're always complaining. l bet you really love working so hard," you fail to respond to this call for understanding and appreciation. In regulating your surface and depth listening, consider the following guidelines:

Focus on both verbal and nonverbal messages. Recognize both consistent and inconsistent "packages" of messages and use these as guides for drawing inferences about the speaker's meaning. When in doubt, ask questions. Listen also to what is omitted: Speakers communicate by what they leave out as well as by what they include.

Listen for both content and relational messages. The student who constantly challenges the teacher is, on one level, communicating disagreement over content However, on another level-the relationship level-the student may be voicing objections to the instructor's authority or authoritarianism. The instructor needs to listen and respond to both types of messages.

Make special note of statements that refer back to the speaker. Remember that people inevitably talk about themselves. Whatever a person says is, in part, a function of who that person is. Attend carefully to those personal, self-referential messages.

Don't disregard the literal meaning of messages. Balance your listening between surface and underlying meanings. Respond to the different levels of meaning in the messages of others as you would like others to respond to yours-sensitively but not obsessively, readily but not over ambitiously.

POLITE AND IMPOLITE LISTENING

Politeness is often thought of as the exclusive function of the speaker, as solely an encoding or sending function. But, politeness (or impoliteness) may also be signaled through listening. Of course, there are times when you would not want to listen politely (for example, to someone being verbally abusive or condescending or using racist or sexist language). In these cases you might want to show your disapproval by showing that you're not listening. But most often you'll want to listen politely, and you'll want to express this politeness through your listening behavior.

Here are a few suggestions for demonstrating that you are in fact listening politely; these are strategies designed to be supportive of the speaker's positive and negative face needs:

Avoid interrupting the speaker. Avoid trying to take over the speaker's turn. Avoid changing the topic. If you must respond and can't wait until the speaker finishes, then say it as briefly as possible and pass the turn back to the speaker.

Give supportive listening cues. These might include nodding your head, giving minimal verbal responses, such as "I see" or "yes, it's true;' or moving closer to the speaker. Listen in a way that demonstrates that what the speaker is saying is important. In some cultures, polite listening cues must be cues of agreement (Japanese culture is often used as an example); in other cultures, polite listening cues are attentiveness and support rather than cues of agreement (as in much of United States, for example).

Show empathy with the speaker. Demonstrate that you understand and feel the speaker's thoughts and feelings by giving responses that show this level of understanding-smiling or cringing or otherwise echoing the feelings of the speaker. If you echo the speaker's nonverbal expressions, your behavior is likely to be seen as empathic.

Maintain eye contact. In much of the United States this is perhaps the single most important rule. If you don't maintain eye contact when someone is talking to you, then you'll appear not to be listening, and definitely not listening politely. This rule, however, does not hold in all cultures. In some Latin and Asian cultures, polite listening would consist of looking down and avoiding direct eye contact when, for example, listening to a superior or much older person.

Give positive feedback. Throughout the listening encounter, perhaps especially after the speaker's turn (when you continue the conversation as you respond to what the speaker has said), positive feedback will be seen as polite and negative feedback as impolite. If you must give negative feedback, then do so in a way that does not attack the person's negative face: for example, first mention areas of agreement and what you liked about what the person said and stress your good intentions. Then, when you give negative feedback, it is important to do it in private. Public criticism feels especially threatening, and the original speaker will surely see it as a personal attack.

A somewhat different slant on politeness and listening can be seen in "forcing" people to listen when they don't want to. Generally, the polite advice is to notice when the other person wants to leave and to allow the person to discontinue listening. Closely related to this is the "forced" listening that many cell phone users impose on others, a topic addressed below.

Politeness and the Smartphone

The ubiquity of the smartphone has led to enormous increases in telephone communication and texting, but it has also created problems, many of which are problems of politeness. Because much smartphone use occurs in public spaces, people often are forced to hear conversations that don't involve them.

Avoid using cell phones where inappropriate. Especially avoid calling in restaurants, hospitals, theaters, museums, commuter buses or trains, and in the classroom. If you must make or take a call when in these various situations, try to move to a less public area.

Silence your cell. Put your phone on vibrate mode, or let your voicemail answer and take a message when your call might interfere with others. When you can't avoid taking a call, speak as quietly as possible and as briefly as possible.

Avoid unwanted photo-taking. Don't take pictures of people who aren't posing for you,  and erase photos if the person you photographed requests it. Of course, if you're involved in or are a witness to an accident or a robbery, you may want to photograph the events.

Avoid extended talking when your reception is weak. Talking on your cell on a crowded street will probably result in poor reception, which is annoying to the other person. In an emergency, caution trumps politeness.

Consider the other person. It's easy to assume that when you have nothing better to do, the person you're calling also has nothing better to do.  As with any phone call, it's wise to ask if this is a good time to call-a strategy that helps maintain the autonomy (negative face) of the person you're calling.

ACTIVE AND INACTIVE LISTENING

One of the most important communication skills you can learn is that of active listening. Consider the following interaction: You're disappointed that you have to redo your entire budget report, and you say, "I can't believe I have to redo this entire report. I really worked hard on this project, and now I have to do it all over again." To this you get three different responses:

Ethan: That's not so bad; most people find they have to redo their first reports. That's the norm here.

Aiden: You should be pleased that all you have to do is a simple rewrite. Peggy and Michael both had.to completely redo their entire projects.

Tyler: You have to rewrite that report you've worked on for the last three weeks? You sound really angry and frustrated.

All three listeners are probably trying to make you feel better. But they go about it in very different ways and, it appears, with very different results. Ethan tries to lessen the significance of the rewrite. This type of well-intended and extremely common response does little to promote meaningful communication and understanding; Aiden tries to give the situation a positive spin. In their responses, however, both Ethan and Aiden also suggest that you should not feel the way you do; they imply that your feelings are not legitimate and should be replaced with more logical feelings. Tyler's response, however, is different from the others. Tyler uses active listening. Active listening owes its development to Thomas Gordon (1975), who made it a cornerstone of his Parent Effectiveness Training (P.E.T.) technique; it is a process of sending back to the speaker what you as a listener think the speaker meant-both in content and in feelings. Active listening, then, is not merely repeating the speaker's exact words but, rather, putting together into some meaningful whole your understanding of the speaker's total message. Active listening helps you check your perception of what the speaker said and, more important, what he or she meant. Reflecting back perceived meanings to the speaker gives the speaker an opportunity to offer clarification and correct any misunderstandings. Active listening also lets the speaker know that you acknowledge and accept his or her feelings. In this example, Tyler listened actively and reflected back what he thought you meant while accepting what you were feeling. Note too that he also explicitly identified your emotions ("You sound angry and frustrated"), allowing you the opportunity to correct his interpretation. Still another function of active listening is that it stimulates the speaker to explore feelings and thoughts. Tyler's response encourages you to elaborate on your feelings and perhaps to better understand them as you talk them through. When combined with empathic listening, active listening proves the most effective approach for successful sales transactions.

Three simple techniques may help you succeed in active listening:

·         Paraphrase the speaker's meaning. Stating in your own words what you think the speaker means and feels will help ensure understanding and demonstrate your interest. When you paraphrase what you think the speaker means, you give the speaker a chance to extend what was originally said. However, remember to be objective, he especially careful not to lead the speaker in the direction you think he or she should go. And don't overdo it; paraphrase when you feel there's a chance for misunderstanding or when you want to keep the conversation going.

·         Ask questions. Asking questions strengthens your own understanding of the speaker's thoughts and feelings and elicits additional information ("How did you feel when you read your job appraisal report?"). Ask questions to provide only enough stimulation and support so the speaker will feel he or she can elaborate on these thoughts and feelings.

·         Express understanding of the speaker's feelings. In addition to paraphrasing the content, echo the feelings that the speaker expressed or implied ("You must have felt horrible"). This expression of feelings will help you further check your perception of the speaker's feelings. It also will allow the speaker to see his or her feelings more objectively-especially helpful when they're feelings of anger, hurt, or depression-and to elaborate on these feelings.

In communicating your understanding back to the speaker, be especially careful to avoid sending what are called "solution messages" -messages that tell the person how he or she should feel or what fie or she should do.

You'll want to avoid solution messages such as these:

Ordering messages: "Do this:' "Don't touch that."

Warning and threatening messages: "If you don't do this, you'll ..," "If you do that, you'll ..:'

Preaching and moralizing messages: "People should all ..." "You have responsibilities ..,”

Advising messages: "Why don't you...” “I think you should… “

 Listening Differences: Culture and Gender

Listening is difficult in part because of the inevitable differences in the communication systems between speakers and listeners. Because each person has had a unique set of experiences, each person's communication and meaning system is going to be unique. When speaker and listener come from different cultures or are of different genders, the differences and their effects are, naturally, much greater.

CULTURE AND LISTENING

In today's multicultural world, where people from very different cultures live and work together, it's especially important to understand the ways in which cultural differences can influence listening.

Three of these cultural influences on listening are:

(1) language and speech

(2) nonverbal behaviors

(3) feedback

Language and Speech

Even when a speaker and a listener speak the same language, they speak it with different meanings and different accents. Speakers of the same language will, at the very least, have different meanings for the same terms because they have had different experiences. For example, the word "parents" to someone brought up in a series of foster homes will be drastically different from someone who grew up in a "traditional" family. Speakers and listeners who have different native languages and who may have learned English as a second language will have even greater differences in meaning. If you learned your meaning for house in a culture in which everyone lives in his or her own house with lots of land around it, then communicating with someone whose meaning of house was learned in a neighborhood of high-rise tenements is going to be difficult. Although each of you will hear the word house, the meanings you'll develop will be drastically different. In adjusting your listening-especially in an intercultural setting-understand that the speaker's meanings may be very different from yours even though you're speaking the same language. In many classrooms throughout the United States, there will be a wide range of accents. People whose native language is tonal, such as Chinese-in which differences in pitch signal important meaning differences, may speak English with variations in pitch that may be puzzling to others.  Those whose native language is Japanese may have trouble distinguishing I from r, because Japanese does not include this distinction. The native language acts as a filter and influences the accent given to the second language.

Nonverbal Behaviors

Speakers from different cultures have different display rules, cultural rules that govern which nonverbal behaviors are appropriate and which are inappropriate in a public setting. As you listen to other people, you also "listen" to their nonverbals. If nonverbal signals are drastically different from what you would expect on the basis of the verbal message, you may see them as a kind of noise or interference or even as a contradictory message. If a colleague at work, for example, consistently averts her eyes when talking with you, you may interpret this as an indication of shyness or dishonesty (which are often associated with averted eyes), but it may be merely a sign that your colleague's culture discourages direct eye contact. (Some, often collectivist, cultures consider direct eye contact overly forward, impolite, or inappropriate. Other, often individualist, cultures consider direct eye contact a sign of honesty and forthrightness.) To complicate matters further, different cultures often have very different meanings for the same nonverbal gesture, for example, the thumb and forefinger forming a circle means "OK" in most of the United States, but it means "money" in Japan, "zero" in some Mediterranean countries, and "I'll kill you" in Tunisia.

Feedback

Members of some cultures give very direct and very honest feedback. Speakers from these largely individualist cultures-the United States is a good example-expect feedback to be an honest reflection of what their listeners are feeling. In other largely collectivist cultures-Japan and Korea are good examples-it's more important to be positive (and to respect the other person's need for positive face) than to be truthful. As a result, people may respond with positive feedback (say, in commenting on a business colleague's proposal) even if it doesn't reflect their true opinion. Listen to feedback, as you would to all messages, with a full recognition that various cultures view feedback very differently.

GENDER AND LISTENING

Men and women learn different styles of listening, just as they learn different styles for using verbal and nonverbal messages. Not surprisingly, these different styles can create difficulties in opposite-sex communication. 

Rapport and Report Talk

According to linguistic scholar and popular writer Deborah Tannen in her bestselling “You Just Don't Understand: Women and Men in Conversation”, women seek to share feelings, build rapport, and establish closer relationships, and they use listening to achieve these ends. Men, on the other hand, play up their expertise, emphasize it, and use it to dominate the interaction. Their focus is on reporting information. Tannen argues that in conversation a woman seeks to be liked, so she expresses agreement. The goal of a man, on the other hand, is to be given respect, so he seeks to show his knowledge and expertise.

Listening Cues

Men and women give different types of listening cues and, consequently, show that they're listening in different ways. ln conversation, a woman is more apt to give lots of listening cues-interjecting "Yeah" or "Uh-huh," nodding in agreement, and smiling. A man is more likely to listen quietly, without giving lots of listening cues as feedback.

Women also make more eye contact when listening than do men, who are more apt to look around and often away from the speaker. As a result of these differences, women seem to be more engaged in listening than do men.

Amount and Purposes of Listening

Tannen argues that men listen less to women than women listen to men. The reason says Tannen, is that listening places the person in an inferior position, but speaking places the person in a superior position. Men may seem to assume a more confrontational posture while listening and to ask questions that are argumentative or seek to puncture holes in the speaker's position as a way to play up their own expertise. Women are more likely than men to ask supportive questions and offer constructive criticism. Men and women act this way both to members of the same and of the opposite sex; their usual ways of speaking and listening don't seem to change depending on whether the person they're communicating with is male or female. It's important to note that not all researchers agree that there is sufficient evidence to support the claims of Tannen and others about gender differences. Gender differences are changing drastically and quickly; it's best to take generalizations about gender as starting points for investigation and not as airtight conclusions. Further, be mindful that, as you no doubt have observed from your own experiences, gender differences-although significant-are far out­ numbered by similarities.

Listening to Emotions (Ten Ways)

Listening to the emotions of others is difficult but essential. Here are a few guidelines for making it a little easier and a lot more effective: 

Confirm the other person and his or her emotions - A simple "You must be worried about finding another position" confirms the feelings of a person who has just lost a job.

Show interest by encouraging the person to explore his or her feelings - Use simple encouragers like "I see" or "I understand." Or ask questions to let the speaker know that you're listening and interested.

Give the person permission to express feelings - Let the person know that it's acceptable and okay with you if she or he expresses feelings in the ways that feel most comfortable-for example, by crying or talking about old times.

Don't try to force, the person to talk about experiences or feelings she or he may not be willing to share - A simple “Would you like to talk about it?" will cue the person that you're listening but not forcing him or her to talk.

Be especially sensitive to leave-taking cues. Don’t overstay your welcome - Notice especially comments like "It's getting late" or a glance at the dock, or a polite yawn.

Empathize - See the situation from the point of view of the speaker. Avoid comments such as "Don't cry; it wasn't worth it," which can be interpreted as a rejection of the person's feelings.

Focus on the other person; don't refocus the conversation on yourself - Instead, provide a supportive atmosphere that encourages the person to express her or his feelings.

Don't try to solve the other person's problems - Listening to another's emotions comes first; offer solutions only when asked.

Avoid trying to focus on the bright side - Avoid expressions such as "You're lucky you have some vision left" or "It is better this way; Pat was suffering so much."

Avoid interrupting - Emotional expression frequently involves extra-long pauses, so wait before jumping in.

Chapter Summary

This chapter discussed the ways you listen and how you can listen more effectively.

Stages of listening

1. Listening is crucial to success in a wide range of professions and in personal relationships.

2. Listening may be defined as "the process of receiving, constructing meaning from, and responding to spoken and/or nonverbal messages:'

3. Listening serves a variety of purposes: You listen to learn; to relate to others; to influence the attitudes, beliefs, and behaviors of others; to play; and to help. Listening is a five-step process consisting of receiving, understanding, remembering, evaluating, and responding.

4. Both listener and speaker share in the responsibility for effective listening.

Listening Barriers

5. Among the obstacles to effective listening are physical and mental distractions, biases and prejudices, lack of appropriate focus, and premature judgment.

Styles of Effective Listening

6. Effective listening involves a process of making adjustments­ depending on the situation-along dimensions such as empathic and objective listening, nonjudgmental and critical listening, surface and depth listening, polite and impolite listening, and active and inactive listening.

Listening Differences: Culture and Gender

7. Culture influences listening in a variety of ways. Contributing to listening difficulties are cultural differences in language and speech, nonverbal behaviors, and feedback.

8. Men and women listen differently and perhaps for different reasons. For example, women give more messages that say, “I’m Listening" than men. According to some theorists, women use listening to show empathy and to build rapport, and men minimize listening because it puts them in a subordinate position.

KEYTERMS

Active listening – The process of putting together into some meaningful whole your understanding of a speaker's total message, the verbal and the nonverbal, the content and the feelings. If you wish to listen actively, paraphrase the speakers meaning, ask questions when you need something clarified and express understanding of the speaker’s feelings.

Assimilation – the tendency to integrate and adapt what you hear or think you hear to your own biases, prejudices, and expectations.

Backchanneling cues – messages (words and gestures) that let the speaker know you're paying attention, as when you nod in agreement or say, "I see" or "Uh-huh!'

Disclaiming – The process of asking the listener to receive your message without prejudice, to give you a fair hearing.

Empathy– The ability to feel what another person feels. Feeling or perceiving something from another person’s point of view.

Euphemism– A polite word or phrase used to substitute for some taboo or otherwise offensive term. Euphemisms make the negative and unpleasant appear positive and appealing. Examples: An executive calls the firing of 200 workers "downsizing" or 'reallocation of resources." Justin Timberlake's reference to the highly publicized act with Janet Jackson during the 2004 Super Bowl as a "wardrobe malfunction”.

Often euphemisms take the form of inflated language designed to make the mundane seem Extraordinary, the common seem exotic ("the vacation of a lifetime”, unsurpassed vistas"). Don't let words get in the way of accurate first-hand perception.

Gobbledygook– Is overly complex language that overwhelms the listener instead of communicating meaning. Examples: Extra-long sentences, complex grammatical constructions, and rare or unfamiliar words.

Some people normally speak in complex language. But, others use complexity to confuse and mislead. Ask for simplification when appropriate.

I-Messages – Messages in which the speaker takes responsibility for personal thoughts and behavior rather than attributing these to others.        

Jargon– is the specialized language of a professional class. Examples: The language of the computer hacker, the psychologist, and the advertiser.

When used to intimidate or impress, as with people who aren't members of the profession, it prevents meaningful communication. Don't be intimidated by jargon; ask questions when you don't understand.

Listening – A five-step process consisting of receiving, understanding, remembering, evaluating, and responding.

Long-term memory– Memory that is (theoretically) unlimited in storage capacity that holds information for long periods of time.

Memory– A form of remembering in which you actually reconstruct the messages you hear into a system that makes sense to you.

Paraphrase– Restating what another says but in your own words.

Situational listening– An approach to listening in which effective listening style depends on the specifics of the communication.

Short-term memory– Memory that is very limited in capacity-you can hold only a small amount of information there. Contains information that is quickly lost if it is not passed on to long-term memory.

Weasel words– Words whose meanings are slippery and difficult to pin down. Example: A commercial claiming that medicine M works "better than Brand X" but doesn't specify how much better or in what respect Medicine M performs better. It's quite possible that it performs better in one respect but less effectively according to nine other measures.

Other weasel words are "help," "virtually," “as much as” "like" (as in "it will make you feel like new”, and "more economical." Ask yourself, "Exactly, what is being claimed?" For example, "What does 'may reduce cholesterol' mean?"

Practice Quiz

1. The first stage of the listening process is __________.

A) receiving

B) learning

C) memory

D) evaluation

2. In which of the following situations is the listener at the receiving stage of the listening process?

A) As Lukas speaks, Brooklynn thinks about what she is going to say in response.

B) Eliza paraphrases what Sterling has just said to her.

C) Santiago interrupts Marcella as she speaks to clarify what she is saying.

D) Melanie pays close attention to Bradley’s body language as he is speaking.

3. After his supervisor gives him instructions for a new job, Duyi replies, “Okay. You want me to check this report for spelling errors, but NOT to do any rewriting. Correct?” What stage of listening is Duyi in?

A) receiving

B) understanding

C) remembering

D) critical thinking

4. Rikki kept the plumber’s phone number in her head just long enough to dial the number. If you’d asked her the number just a few minutes later, she would not have been able to remember it. The phone number was in Rikki’s __________ memory.

A) short-term

B) latent

C) subconscious

D) long-term

5. __________ consists of judging the messages you hear.

A) Remembering

B) Understanding

C) Evaluating

D) Responding

6. Ronan has some hearing loss. Which of the following strategies would be a good one for him to follow in order to communicate more effectively?

A) Close his eyes as the speaker is talking, in order to concentrate entirely on what is being said.

B) Sit in the front row during company meetings and presentations.

C) Ask speakers to talk more quickly.

D) Pretend he does not have a hearing problem, so people will not treat him any differently.

7. Which of the following is an example of a backchanneling cue?

A) Darren does not even notice when his daughter asks him if she can have a cookie.

B) Helmut says, “I know how you must feel” after Julie has expressed her disappointment over not getting a promotion at work.

C) As Lea crosses the finish line after running her first marathon, her family shouts “Hooray!” and rushes out to hug her.

D) As Anu is complaining to Desiree about her bad day, Desiree nods and says, “Uh-huh” and “Mmm.”

8. Which of the following is an example of a physical listening barrier?

A) thinking about what to make for dinner tonight

B) becoming overly emotional

C) loud music

D) replaying the argument you had with your sister

9. Kristie usually dismisses anything Walter says, because he is very old. What kind of listening barrier is present here?

A) biases and prejudices

B) mental distractions

C) lack of focus

D) premature judgment

10. This is probably the most obvious form of premature judgment while listening.

A) assuming you know what the speaker is going to say

B) anticipating how you are going to respond to the speaker

C) dismissing a valid argument because the speaker is of a particular race

D) focusing on irrelevancies rather than on the main idea

11. Appropriate listening that will vary with the situation is called __________ listening.

A) qualified

B) situational

C) comparative

D) relative

 

12. After Pieter tells Bailey about the argument he had with his boss, Bailey replies, “So what you’re saying is that your boss asked you to work late, and refused to listen to you when you told her you had a doctor’s appointment, right?” In this situation, Bailey is engaged in __________ empathy.

A) feeling

B) artificial

C) thinking

D) critical

13. An advertisement says that Softeez brand tissues are “much better” than Fluffie brand without explaining how much better or in what way they are better. This ad is an example of __________.

A) gobbledygook

B) jargon

C) euphemism

D) weasel words

14. Ben asks how you like his new suit. What is the depth meaning of Ben’s question?

A) Ben is asking you to say something positive about his appearance.

B) Ben is asking if you have a suit that looks like his.

C) Ben is asking if you like his new suit.

D) Ben is hoping you will offer to pay for his new suit.

15. In much of the United States, this is the single most important rule to show that you are listening politely.

A) give the speaker positive feedback

B) maintain eye contact with the speaker

C) avoid interrupting the speaker

D) show empathy with the speaker

16. You tried out for the lead role in the community theater’s spring production, but did not get the part. You express your disappointment to your friends. Which of the following responses is the BEST example of active listening?

A) “You didn’t get the part? You sound very disappointed and upset.”

B) “Well, maybe you’ll get the part next time!”

C) “Aw, no one gets the lead role the first time they try out. Better luck next time.”

D) “At least you got a small role. I know some people who tried out and didn’t get a part at all.”

17. Cultural rules that govern which nonverbal behaviors are appropriate and which are inappropriate in a public setting are called __________.

A) talking points

B) feedback rules

C) display rules

D) communication norms

18. Which of the following communication tactics is MOST likely to be used by men?

A) share feelings

B) emphasize expertise

C) build rapport

D) establish closer relationships

19. Which of the following is one way men differ from women when they are listening to others?

A) Men make more eye contact with the speaker than women.

B) Men listen more quietly than women.

C) Men smile and nod more than women while they listen.

D) Men give many more listening cues than women.

20. Understanding occurs when you decode the speaker’s signals, when you learn what the speaker means.

A) True

B) False

21. “Chunking” information into categories is one way to help get it into your long-term memory.

A) True

B) False

22. Empathic listening is the preferred mode of responding for all communication situations.

A) True

B) False

23. Active listening is another term for paraphrasing.

A) True

B) False

24. Listening is difficult in part because of the inevitable differences in the communication systems between speakers and listeners.

A) True

B) False

25. This aspect of human communication involves receiving, understanding, and remembering messages.

A) speaking

B) listening

C) processing

D) hearing

26. In which of the following situations is the listener at the remembering stage of the listening process?

A) When Beatrice meets a new co-worker, William, she does not simply say, “Hi.” She says, “Hi, William.”

B) Devon allows the speaker to finish before formulating a response.

C) Anders nods and says “I see” as his grandfather speaks to him.

D) Jose makes sure not to interrupt Alecia as she tells him about her trip to the doctor.

27. Merrie, who has unimpaired hearing, is speaking to her son Eli, who is hearing impaired. Which of the following will make communication between the two more effective?

A) Merrie shouts every time she speaks to Eli.

B) Merrie turns away from Eli when she speaks to him.

C) Merrie uses many nonverbal cues as she speaks to Eli.

D) Merrie tells her husband what she wants to say to Eli, and her husband then relays the message.

  

 28. Which of the following is an example of an I-message?

A) “You are right about that.”

B) “Everyone would agree with you about that.”

C) “No one could possibly disagree with you.”

D) “I think you are correct.”

29. As Keisha is speaking to Mohammed, all Mohammed can think about is his brother’s wedding, which will take place tomorrow. Which listening barrier is in play here?

A) a mental distraction

B) premature judgment

C) a prejudice

D) a physical distraction

30. Of the following, who is most likely to be listening effectively in the classroom?

A) Bobby always takes his lecture notes in paragraph form.

B) Ricardo turns off his smartphone before entering the classroom.

C) Amanda sits in the back of the classroom every day.

D) Makayla presumes that only the first few moments of the classroom lecture are important.

31. In which of the following cases would it NOT be sexist to take into account the gender of the person speaking?

A) Diane explains the process of menstruation to her 12-year-old daughter, Katie.

B) Ashley tells her brother, Ken, why she is voting for a particular presidential candidate.

C) Marcus demonstrates to his kids how to bake the perfect chocolate chip cookie.

D) Felicia explains how to write a check to her 15-year-old son, Erik.

32. Before he begins his presentation about global warming to a skeptical crowd, Dr. Anderson asks the audience to “hear me out.” Which listening barrier is Dr. Anderson trying to address?

A) lack of appropriate focus

B) premature judgment

C) physical distractions

D) ageism

33. Kian recently lost his job. His friend Mitchell tells Kian, “You must be worried about finding another position.” In this case, Mitchell is __________.

A) being sensitive to Kian’s leave-taking cues

B) trying to get Kian to focus on the bright side

C) refocusing the conversation on himself

D) confirming Kian and his emotions

34. Marie’s father died yesterday. Which of the following comments from her friends is MOST likely to convey sensitivity to Marie’s emotions?

A) “Would you like to talk about it?”

B) “It is a blessing that your father has finally passed on.”

C) “Dry your eyes, your dad wouldn’t want you to cry.”

D) “Please don’t be upset, you’re making me uncomfortable.”

35. In adjusting your empathic and objective listening focus, you should __________.

A) focus only on what the speaker is feeling

B) engage in equal, two-way conversation

C) use “offensive listening” techniques

D) engage in “expectancy hearing”

36. The tendency to integrate and adapt what you hear or think you hear to your own biases, prejudices, and expectations is called __________.

A) stereotyping

B) oversimplification

C) assimilation

D) empathic listening

37. Since he was laid off from work, Benjamin does not tell his friends that he is “looking for a new job.” He tells them instead that he is “seeking a new opportunity.” Benjamin is using __________.

A) weasel words

B) euphemism

C) jargon

D) gobbledygook

38. Which of the following guidelines will help you regulate your surface and depth listening?

A) Avoid interrupting the speaker.

B) Punctuate from the speaker’s point of view.

C) Focus on both verbal and nonverbal messages.

D) Combat the tendency to “sharpen” messages.

39. In which of the following situations would impolite listening be most justified?

A) Your next-door neighbor screams obscenities at you because you have not cut your grass this week.

B) Your aunt and uncle are showing you pictures—lots and lots of pictures—from their trip to Mexico.

C) Your boss is pointing out some errors you made on a job-related task.

D) There is no situation in which impolite listening is justified.

40. Coach has noticed that Miriam has not been hustling on the basketball court the way she did at the beginning of the season. He wants to give Miriam feedback about this. What would be the best way for him to do so?

A) Call Miriam out for her laziness in front of the rest of the team after the next game.

B) Ask Miriam into his office, shut the door, and talk to her privately.

C) Mention his observations to local sports reporters in the hopes that a newspaper story about her laziness will motivate Miriam.

D) Bench Miriam indefinitely until she finally comes to him to ask what is wrong.

41. Which of the following techniques can help you improve your active listening skills?

A) paraphrasing

B) using jargon

C) practice “expectancy hearing”

D) avoid the use of backchanneling cues

42. Regularly using moralizing messages such as the following will not enhance your active listening skills.

A) “You must have felt horrible!”

B) “How did you feel when you had to cancel your plans?”

C) “People should all eat organic food; it’s much healthier.”

D) “You sound really angry and frustrated.”

 43. In which type of culture is it more important to be positive than to be truthful when giving feedback?

A) collectivist culture

B) masculine culture

C) indulgent culture

D) individualist culture

44. With which of the following statements would linguistic scholar Deborah Tannen agree?

A) Women are less likely than men to ask supportive questions.

B) The usual way men speak to men differs from the usual way they speak to women.

C) Men are more likely than women to offer listeners constructive criticism.

D) Men listen less to women than women listen to men.

45. Perhaps the most important point to understand about memory is that what you remember is not what was said but what you remember was said.

A) True

B) False

46. Responding can begin only after the speaker has stopped talking.

A) True

B) False

47. Speakers should try to avoid language or examples that may divert attention from their main idea.

A) True

B) False

48. Effective listening includes only nonjudgmental responses.

A) True

B) False

49. If done the right way, even negative feedback will be seen as polite.

A) True

B) False

50. When asked what they want in a partner, women overwhelmingly reply that they want __________.

A) a mindful person

B) a partner who listens to them

C) someone with high expert power

D) a partner with great cultural sensitivity

Chapter Test

1. Effective listeners are more likely to

A) emerge as group leaders.

B) be more aggressive communicators.

C) read less than poor listeners.

D) be good managers but poor salespeople.

2. Which of the following are recommended to help when receiving messages?

A) Focus your attention on the speaker’s nonverbal messages alone.

B) Avoid assuming you know what the speaker will say next.

C) Focus your attention on what the speaker will say next.

D) All of the above.

3. Matthew is sitting in communications class while the instructor is lecturing, but his mind keeps wandering to his upcoming vacation.  Matthew is experiencing which type of listening barrier?

A) physical distractions

B) mental distractions

C) biases

D) prejudices

4. In adjusting your empathic and objective listening focus, all of the following are recommendations EXCEPT:

A) Punctuate from the speaker’s point of view.

B) Engage in equal, two-way communication.

C) Seek to understand the thoughts only.

D) Avoid “offensive” listening.

5. At the evaluation stage of the listening process, one should:

A) evaluate the speaker’s point of view immediately.

B) assume the speaker is not a person of goodwill.

C) avoid giving the speaker the benefit of any doubt.

D) identify any biases, self-interests, or prejudices that the speaker may have.

6. Listening with empathy involves:

A) expressing an understanding of what the person means.

B) expressing your ability to feel what the other person is feeling.

C) trying to see the world as the speaker sees it.

D) All of the above.

7. Lately Evan has been voicing his belief to Elise that all of his teachers, his parents, and most of his friends are “out to get him.” In this situation, it’s best if Elise engages in __________ listening.

A) objective

B) empathic

C) inactive

D) critical

8. To get the most out of a lecture on the principles of communication, you should engage in __________ listening.

A) empathic

B) nonjudgmental

C) depth-level

D) subjective

9. Kimberly asks Doreen, “Do I look fat in this outfit?” An appropriate response from Doreen would be to engage in __________ listening.

A) depth

B) inactive

C) objective

D) surface

10. Which of the following is true concerning the relationship between listening and gender?

A) Women may be socialized to exhibit more listening cues than men.

B) Men may be socialized to show more empathy than women.

C) Women may be socialized to interrupt speakers more than men.

D) All of the above.

11. Through active listening, we express understanding of the speaker’s feelings.

A) True

B) False

12. One way to ensure effectiveness in the understanding stage of the listening process is to paraphrase the speaker’s ideas.

A) True

B) False

13. Researchers disagree concerning the significance and extent of gender differences in listening.

A) True

B) False

14. Generally, effective listeners are effective managers.

A) True

B) False

15. The responding stage of the listening process can be enhanced through the use of “I” messages.

A) True

B) False

16. The evaluation stage of listening can be made more effective by resisting evaluation until you fully understand the speaker’s viewpoint.

A) True

B) False

17. Empathic listening is preferable to objective listening no matter what the context or the speaker’s state of mind is.

A) True

B) False

18. Hearing and listening are essentially the same process.

A) True

B) False

19. Understanding means grasping both the thoughts that are expressed and the emotional tone that accompanies them.

A) True

B) False

20. Politeness in communication is the exclusive function of the speaker.

A) True

B) False