Chapter 8 - Review

Chapter 8 - Managing Interpersonal Conflict

Of all your interpersonal interactions, those involving conflict are among your most important. Interpersonal conflict often creates ill will, anxiety, and problems for relationships. But as you'll soon see, conflict can also create opportunities for improving and strengthening relationships.

Preliminaries to Interpersonal Conflict

Before considering the stages and strategies of conflict management, it is necessary to define exactly what is meant by interpersonal conflict, the issues around which interpersonal conflict often centers, and some of the myths surrounding conflict.

DEFINITION OF INTERPERSONAL CONFLICT

Interpersonal conflict: when the needs or ideas of one person are at odds or in opposition to the needs or ideas of another; conflict occurs in all relationships and is not a sign of a bad relationship.

Example: You want to go to the movies with your partner. Your partner wants to stay home. Your insisting on going to the movies interferes with your partner's staying home, and your partner's determination to stay home interferes with your going to the movies. You can't both achieve your goals, so there will be conflict. As this example illustrates, interpersonal conflict is disagreement between or among connected individuals (e.g., close friends, lovers, family members) who perceive their goals as incompatible.

More specifically, conflict occurs when people:

·       Are interdependent (they're connected in some significant way); what one person does has an impact or an effect on the other person.

·       Are mutually aware that their goals are incompatible; if one person's goal is achieved, then the other person's goal cannot be achieved. For example, if one person wants to buy a new car and the other person wants to pay down the mortgage, and there is not enough money to do both, there is conflict.

·       Perceive each other as interfering with the attainment of their own goals. For example, you may want to study but your roommate may want to party; the attainment of either goal would interfere with the attainment of the other goal.

An important implication of this concept of interdependency is that, the greater the interdependency, the greater (1) the number of issues around which conflict can center and (2) the impact of the conflict and the conflict manage­ment interaction on the individuals and on the relationship (see Figure 8.1). Looked at in this way, it's easy to appreciate the importance to your relationships of understanding interpersonal conflict and learning strategies for effective conflict management.

INTERPERSONAL CONFLICT ISSUES

Interpersonal conflicts cover a wide range of issues and have been categorized differently by different researchers. One system, for example, classifies conflicts into four categories: (1) goals to be pursued (e.g., disagreement between parent and child on what college to attend or what romantic partner to get involved with); (2) the allocation of resources, such as money or time (e.g., partners' differing on how to spend their money); (3) decisions to be made (e.g., whether to save or splurge the recent bonus); and (4) behaviors that are considered appropriate or desirable by one person but inappropriate or undesirable by the other (e.g., disagreement over one person's flirting or drinking or not working as hard on the relationship).

Another approach, based on surveys of gay, lesbian, and heterosexual couples, found six major issues that virtually all couples share.

These issues are arranged here in order, with the first being the most commonly cited. As you read this list, ask yourself how many of these issues you argue about.

·       Intimacy issues, such as affection and sex

·       Power issues, where one person makes excessive demands on the other or makes decisions unilaterally concerning mutual friends or how you'll spend your leisure time

·       Personal flaws involving, for example, drinking or smoking, personal grooming, and driving style.

·       Personal distance issues, such as frequent absence and heavy school or job commitments.

·       Social issues, such as politics and social policies, parents, and personal values.

·       Distrust involving, for example, previous lovers and lying.

In the workplace, conflicts are especially important because of their potential negative effects, such as personnel leaving the job (necessitating new recruitment and retraining), low morale, and a lessening desire to perform at top efficiency. Workplace conflicts, according to one study (Psychometrics, 2010), center on such issues as these:

·       Personality differences and resulting clashes, 86%

·       Ineffective leadership, 73%

·       Lack of openness, 67%

·       Physical and emotional stress, 64%

·       Differences in values and resulting clashes, 59%

Using concepts developed in Chapter 1, you can distinguish between content conflict and relationship conflict. Content conflict centers on objects, events, and persons that are usually, though not always, external to the parties involved in the conflict. Content conflicts have to do with the millions of issues that people argue and fight about every day: the merit of a particular movie, what to watch on television, the fairness of the last examination or job promotion, the way to spend accumulated savings. Relationship conflicts are equally numerous and are those that center on the nature and meaning of a particular relationship. Examples include clashes that arise when a younger brother refuses to obey his older brother; two partners both want their say in making vacation plans, or a mother and daughter each want to have the final word concerning the daughter's lifestyle. Here the conflicts are concerned not so much with external objects as with the relationships between the individuals with issues such as who is in charge, whether there is equal say in decision making, and who has the right to set down rules of behavior. Of course, content and relationship dimensions are always easier to separate in a textbook than they are in real life, where many conflicts contain elements of both. For example, you can probably imagine both content and relationship dimensions in each conflict of the "content" issues mentioned. Yet certain issues seem oriented more toward one than the other. For example, disagreements on political and social issues are largely content focused, whereas intimacy and power issues are largely relational.

MYTHS ABOUT INTERPERSONAL CONFLICT

Many people have problems dealing with conflict because they hold false assumptions about what conflict is and what it means. Think about your own assumptions about interpersonal and small group conflict, which were probably shaped by the communications you witnessed in your family and in your social interactions.

For example, do you think the following statements are true or false?

·       Conflict is best avoided. Time will solve the problem; it will all blow over.

·       If two people experience relationship conflict, it means their relationship is in trouble.

·       Conflict damages an interpersonal relationship.

·       Conflict is destructive because it reveals our negative sides, our pettiness, our need to be in control, our unreasonable expectations.

·       In any conflict, there has to be a winner and a loser. Because goals are incompatible, someone has to win and someone has to lose.

·       These are myths and, as we'll see in this chapter, they can interfere with your ability to deal with conflict effectively.

Principles of Interpersonal Conflict

You can increase your understanding of interpersonal conflict by looking at some general principles: (1) conflict can be positive or negative, (2) conflict is influenced by culture and gender, and (3) conflict styles have consequences.

CONFLICT CAN BE NEGATIVE OR POSITIVE

Although interpersonal conflict is always stressful, it's important to recognize that it has both negative and positive aspects.

Negative Aspects

Conflict often leads to increased negative regard for the opponent. One reason for this is that many conflicts involve unfair fighting methods (which we'll examine shortly) and are focused largely on hurting the other person. When one person hurts the other, increased negative feelings are inevitable; even the strongest relationship has limits. At times, conflict may lead you to close yourself off from the other person. "When you hide your true self from an intimate, you prevent meaningful communication from taking place. Because the need for intimacy is so strong, one or both parties may then seek intimacy elsewhere. This often leads to further conflict, mutual hurt, and resentment-qualities that add heavily to the costs carried by the relationship.

Meanwhile, rewards may become difficult to exchange. In this situation, the overall costs increase and the rewards decrease, this often leads to relationship deterioration and eventual dissolution.

Positive Aspects

The major value of interpersonal conflict is that it forces you to examine a problem and work toward a potential solution. If both you and your opponent use productive conflict strategies (which will be described in this chapter), the relationship may well emerge from the encounter stronger, healthier, and more satisfying than before. And you may emerge stronger, more confident, and better able to stand up for yourself. Through conflict and its resolution, you also can stop resentment from increasing and let your needs be known. For example, suppose your partner needs lots of attentions after coming home from work; but you need to review and get closure on the day's work. If you both can appreciate the legitimacy of these needs, then you can find solutions. Perhaps you can make your important phone call after your partner's attention needs are met, or perhaps your partner can delay the need for attention until you get closure about work. Or perhaps together you can find a way for your closure needs and your partner's attention needs to be met simultaneously through, for example, talking while cuddling at the end of the day. This situation would be considered a win-win. Consider, too, that when you try to resolve conflict within an interpersonal relationship, you're saying in effect that the relationship is worth the effort. Usually, confronting a conflict indicates commitment and a desire to preserve the relationship.

CONFLICT IS INFLUENCED BY CULTURE AND GENDER

As in other areas of interpersonal communication, it helps to consider conflict in light of the influences of culture and gender. Both exert powerful influences on how people view and resolve conflicts.

Conflict and Culture

Culture influences both the issues that people fight about and the ways of dealing with conflict that people consider appropriate and inappropriate. Cohabiting teens, for example, are more likely to experience conflict with their parents about their living style if they live in the United States than if they live in Sweden, where cohabitation is more accepted and more prevalent. Similarly, male infidelity is more likely to cause conflict between U.S. spouses than in cultures in which such behavior is more common.

Students from the United States are more likely to engage in conflict with another U.S. student than with someone from another culture; Chinese students, on the other hand, are more likely to engage in a conflict with a non-Chinese student than with another Chinese. The types of interpersonal conflicts that tend to arise depend on the cultural orientation of the individuals involved. For example, in collectivist cultures, (such as those of Ecuador, Indonesia, and Korea), conflicts most often involve violations of larger group norms and values, such as failing in your role, for example, as family provider or overstepping your social status by publicly disagreeing with a superior. Conversely, in individualistic cultures (such as those of the United States, Canada, and Western Europe), conflicts are more likely to occur when people violate expected norms-for example, not defending a position in the face of disagreement.

Conflict and Gender

Do men and women engage in interpersonal conflict differently? One of the few stereotypes that are supported by research is that of the withdrawing and sometimes aggressive male. Men are more apt to withdraw from a conflict situation than are women. It has been argued that this may happen because men become more psychologically and physiologically aroused during conflict (and retain this heightened level of arousal much longer than do women) and so may try to distance themselves and withdraw from the conflict to prevent further arousal Another explanation for the male tendency to withdraw is that the culture has taught men to avoid conflict. Still another explanation is that withdrawal is an expression of power. Women, on the other hand, want to get closer to the conflict; they want to talk about it and resolve it. Even adolescents reveal these differences; in a study of boys and girls aged 11to 17, boys withdrew more than girls but were more aggressive when they didn't withdraw. Similarly, a study of offensive language found that girls were more easily offended by language than boys, but boys were more apt to fight when they were offended by the words used. Another study showed that young girls used more prosocial strategies (i.e., behaviors designed to help others rather than oneself) than boys. It should be mentioned that some research fails to support these gender differences in conflict style-the differences that cartoons, situation comedies, and films portray so readily and so clearly. For example, several studies dealing with both college students and men and women in business found no significant differences in the ways men and women engage in conflict.

CONFLICT STYLES HAVE CONSEQUENCES

The way in which you engage in conflict has consequences for who wins and who loses; if and when the conflict is resolved; and ultimately for-the relationship as a whole. As you read through these styles, try to identify your own conflict style as well as the styles of those with whom you have close relationships. A summary of these five styles appears in Table 8.1.

Competing: I Win, You Lose

The competitive style involves great concern for your own needs and desires and little for those of others. As long as your needs are met, you think the conflict has been dealt with successfully. In conflict motivated by competitiveness, you'd be likely to be verbally aggressive and to blame the other person. This style represents an "I win, you lose" philosophy. This is the conflict style of a person who simply imposes his or her will on the other: "I make the money, and we'll vacation at the beach or not at all," But this philosophy often leads to resentment on the part of the person who loses, which can cause additional conflicts. Further, the fact that you win and the other person loses probably means that the conflict hasn't really been resolved but has only concluded (for now).

Avoiding: I Lose, You Lose

Conflict avoiders are relatively unconcerned with their own or with their opponents' needs or desires. They avoid any real communication about the problem, change topics when the problem is brought up, and generally withdraw both psychologically and physically.

TABLE 8.1 Five Conflict Styles and Their Consequences

Here are the five conflict styles and their likely consequences or outcomes (Blake & Mouton (1984). Do you have a general conflict style or does your conflict style vary with your relationship to the other person? For example, are you likely to engage in conflict differently depending on the other person, whether friend, romantic partner, work colleague, and so on?

	You	Others
Competing or Forcing: resolving conflict by attempting to satisfy your own needs or advance your own ideas with no concern for the needs or ideas of others and no concern or the harm done to the relationship; great concern for your needs; little concern for other's	win	lose
Avoiding: to physically or psychologically remove yourself from the conflict; little concern for your own or other's needs	lose	lose
Compromising: resolving conflict by giving up part of what you want, to provide at least some satisfaction for both parties; some concern for your own and other's needs	win and lose	win and lose
Accommodating: resolving conflict by satisfying others’ needs or accepting others’ ideas while neglecting our own; great concern for other's needs; little concern for your own	lose	win
Collaborating: managing conflict by fully addressing the needs and issues of each party and arriving at a solution that is mutually satisfying; great concern for your own and other's needs	win	win

As you can appreciate, the avoiding style does little to resolve any conflicts and may be viewed as au "I lose, you lose" philosophy, If a couple can't agree about where to spend their vacation, out each person refuses to negotiate a resolution to the disagreement, the pair may not take any vacation at all; both sides lose. Interpersonal problems rarely go away of their own accord; rather, if they exist, they need to be faced and dealt with effectively. Avoidance merely allows the conflict to fester and probably grow, only to resurface in another guise.

Compromising: I Win and Lose, You Win and Lose

Compromise is the kind of strategy you might refer to as "meeting each other halfway," "horse trading," or "give and take." There's some concern for your own needs and some concern for the other's needs. This strategy is likely to result in maintaining peace, but there will be a residue of dissatisfaction over the inevitable losses that each side has to endure. Compromise represents an "I win and lose, you win and I lose" philosophy. So, if you and your partner can't vacation at both the beach and the mountains, then you might settle for weekend trips or use the money to have a hot tub installed instead. These may not be your first choices, but they're not bad and may satisfy (to some degree at least) each of your vaca­tion wants.

Accommodating: I Lose, You Win

When accommodation takes place, you sacrifice your own needs for the needs of the other person(s). Your primary goal is to maintain harmony and peace in the relationship or group. This style may help maintain peace and may satisfy the opposition, but it does little to meet your own needs, which are unlikely to go away. Accommodation represents an "I lose, you win" philosophy. If your partner wants to vacation in the mountains and you want to vacation at the beach, and you, instead of negoti­ating an agreement acceptable to both, give in and accommodate, then you lose and your partner wins. Although this style may make your partner happy (at least on this occasion), it's not likely to provide a lasting resolution to an interpersonal conflict You'll eventually sense unfairness and inequality and may easily come to resent your partner, and perhaps even yourself.

Collaborating: I Win, You Win

In collaboration you address both your own and the other person's needs. This style, often considered the ideal, takes time and a willingness to communicate-especially to listen to the perspectives and needs of the other person. Collaboration enables each person's needs to be met, an "I win, you win" situation. For example, you might both agree to split the vacation-one week in the mountains and one week at the beach. Or you might agree to spend this year's vacation at the beach and next year's in the mountains. This is obviously the style that, in an ideal world, most people would choose for interpersonal conflict.

Guidelines for collaboration

1. Initiating collaboration

a. Identify the problem as your own

b. Describe the feelings, behaviors, and consequences associated with the problem

c. Don’t evaluate or assume the other person’s motives

d. Find common ground

e. Mentally prepare so you can be clear

2. Shaping a conversation towards collaboration

a. Disengage

b. Respond empathically and with concern

c. Paraphrase

d. Seek common ground

e. Ask the other person for alternative solutions

CONFLICT MANAGEMENT STRATEGIES

When managing conflict, you can choose from a variety of productive or unproductive strat­egies, which we'll investigate here. Realize that the strategies you choose will be influenced by numerous factors. Understanding these factors ma~· help you select more appropriate and more effective conflict strategies (Koerner & Fitzpatrick., 2002).

• The goals (short-term and long-term) you wish to achieve. If you only want to salvage to­ day's date, you may want to simply "give in" and ignore the difficulty. If you want to build a long-term relationship, on the other hand, you may want to fully analyze the cause of the problem and look for strategies that will enable both parties to win.

• Your emotional state. You're unlikely to select the same strategies when you're sad as when you're angry. You will tend to use different strategies if you're seeking to apologize than if you're looking for revenge.

• Your cognitive assessment of the situation. For example, your attitudes and beliefs about what is fair and equitable will influence your readiness to acknowledge the fairness in the other person's position. Your own assessment of who (if anyone) is the cause of the prob­lem will also influence your conflict style. You may also assess the likely effects of various possible strategies. For example, do you risk alienating your teenager if you use force?

• Your personality and communication competence. For example, if you're shy and unassert­ive, you may tend to avoid conflict rather than fight actively. If you're extroverted and have a strong desire to state your position, then you may be more likely to fight actively and to argue forcefully.

• Your family history. If for example, your parents argued aggressively about religious dif­ferences, you might tend to be aggressive when your partner expresses different religious beliefs. If you haven't unlearned family conflict patterns, you're likely to repeat them. Before examining these various strategies, take the self-test on conflict management strategies included here, and examine your own patterns of conflict management.

Ethical Listening

Because communication strategies also have an ethical dimension, it's important to look at the ethical implications of conflict management strategies Here are a few s to consider as you reflect on the conflict strategies discussed in this chapter:

• Does conflict avoidance have an ethical dimension? For example, is it ethical for one relationship partner to refuse to discuss disagreements or to walk out of an argument?

• Can the use of physical force to influence another person ever be ethical? Can you identify a situation in which it would be appropriate for someone with greater physical strength to overpower another person to compel that person to accept his or her point of view?

• Are face-attacking strategies inherently unethical, or might it be appropriate to use them in certain situations? Can you identify such situations?

• Is verbal aggressiveness necessarily unethical?

AVOIDANCE AND FIGHTING ACTIVELY

Conflict avoidance may involve actual physical flight. You may leave the scene of the conflict (e.g., walk out of the apartment or go to another part of the office), fall asleep, or blast the ste­reo to drown out all conversation. Avoidance also may take the form of emotional or intellec­tual avoidance, in which you may leave the conflict psychologically by not dealing with any of the arguments or problems raised. Sometimes avoidance is a response to demands-a conflict pattern known as demand­ withdrawal. Here one person makes demands (e.g., you will go out again tonight) and the other person, unwilling to accede to the demands, withdraws from the interaction. This pattern is obviously unproductive, but it can be easily broken by either individual-either by not making demands or by not withdrawing and instead participating actively in the conflict management.

Nonnegotiation is a special type of avoidance. Here you refuse to discuss the conflict or to listen to the other person's argument. At times nonnegotiaticm takes the form of hammer­ing away at your own point of view until the other person gives in-a technique known as "steamrolling." Instead of avoiding the issues, take an active role in your interpersonal conflicts:

Involve yourself on both sides of the communication exchange. Be an active participant; voice your own feelings and listen carefully lo your opponent's feelings. This is not to say that periodic moratoriums are not helpful; sometimes they are. But in general, be willing to communicate.

Take ownership of your thoughts and feelings. When you disagree with your part­ner or find fault with her or his behavior, take responsibility for these feelings. Say, for example, "I disagree with ... "or "I don't like it when you ...." Avoid statements that deny your responsibility: "Everybody thinks you're wrong about ... "or" Chris thinks you shouldn't. ... "

Focus on the present. Concentrate your attention on the here and now, rather than on issues that occurred two months ago. Similarly, focus your conflict on the person with whom you're fighting, not on the person's parents, child, or friends.

Listen carefully. Act and think as a listener. Turn off the television, stereo, or computer: face the other person, devote your attention to the other person. Make sure you understand what the person is saying and feeling. Use perception checking (Chapter 2) and active listening techniques (Chapter 3). And, get ready to listen to the other person's responses to your statements.

FORCE AND TALK

When confronted with conflict, many people prefer to force their position on the other person, not to deal with the issues. Force is an unproductive conflict strategy that may be emo­tional or physical. In either case, however, the issues arc avoided and the "winner" is the combatant who exerts the most force. This is the technique of warring nations, quarreling children, and even some normally sensible and mature adults. In one study more than 50 percent of both single people and married couples reported that they had experienced physical violence in their relationships. If symbolic violence was included (e.g. threatening to hit the other person or throwing something), the percentages rose above 60 percent for singles and above 70 percent for married couples (Marshall & Rose, 1987). In another study, 47 percent of a sample of 410 college students reported some experi­ence with violence in a dating relationship (Deal & Wampler, 1986). In most cases the vio­lence was reciprocal-each person in the relationship used violence. In cases in which only one person was violent, the research results are conflicting. For example, some surveys (Deal & Wampler, 1986; Cate, Henton, Koval, Christopher, & Lloyd, 1982) have found that in such cases the aggressor was significantly more often the female partner. Other research, however, has tended to confirm the widespread view that men are more likely to use force than women (DeTurck, 1987).

Instead of resorting to force, consider the value of talking and listening:

• Explain what you think the problem is about and listen to what the other person says about the problem.

• Talk about what you want and listen to what the other person wants.

• Talk over possible solutions and listen to the proposed solutions of the other person.

• Talk the conflict through a logical sequence from understanding the problem through evaluating a solution. (Take a look at the Problem-Solving Sequence discussed in Chap­ter 9, pp. 184-186.)

DEFENSIVENESS AND SUPPORTIVENESS

Although talking is preferred to using force, not all talk is equally productive in conflict reso­lution. One of the best ways to look at destructive versus productive talk is to look at how the style of your communications can create unproductive defensiveness or a productive sense of supportiveness, a system developed by Jack Gibb. The type of talk that generally proves destructive and sets up defensive reactions in the listener is talk that is evaluative, con­trolling, strategic, indifferent or neutral, superior, and certain.

Evaluation

When you evaluate or judge another person or what that person has done, that person is likely to become resentful and defensive and perhaps at the same time to become equally evaluative and judgmental. Tn contrast, when you describe what happened or what you want, it creates no such defensiveness and is generally seen as supportive. The distinction between evaluation and description can be seen in the differences between you-messages and I-messages.

Evaluative You-Messages

You never reveal your feelings.

You just don't plan ahead.

You never call me.

Descriptive I-Messages

I sure would like hearing how you feel about this.

I need to know what our schedule for the next few days will be.

I'd enjoy hearing from you more often.

If you put yourself in the role of the listener hearing these statements, you probably can feel the resentment or defensiveness that the evaluative messages (you-messages) would cre­ate and the supportiveness from the descriptive messages (I-messages).

Control

When you try to control the behavior of another person, when you order that person to do this or that, or when you make decisions without mutual discussion and agree­ment, defensiveness is a likely response. Control messages deny the legitimacy of the person's contributions and in fact deny his or her importance. On the other hand, when you focus on the problem at hand --not on controlling the situation or getting your own way defensiveness-- is much less likely. This problem orientation invites mutual participation and recognizes the significance of each person's contributions.

Strategy

When you use strategy and try to get around other people or situations through manipulation-especially when you conceal your true purposes-others are likely to resent it and to respond defensively. But when you act openly and with spontaneity, you're more likely to create an atmosphere that is equal and honest.

Neutrality

When you demonstrate neutrality --in the sense of indifference or a lack of caring for the other person-- it's likely to create defensiveness. Neutrality seems to show a lack of empathy or interest in the thoughts and feelings of the other person; it is especially damaging when intimates are in conflict, this kind of talk says, in effect, "You're not important or deserving of attention and caring." When, on the other hand, you demonstrate empathy, defensiveness is unlikely to occur. Although it can be especially difficult in conflict situations, try to show that you can understand what the other person is going through and that you accept these feelings.

Superiority

When you present yourself as superior to another person, you put the other person in an inferior position, and this is likely to he resented.

Such superiority mes­sages say in effect that the other person is inadequate or somehow second class. A superior attitude is a violation of the implicit equality contract that people in a close relationship have. The other person may then begin to attack your superiority; the conflict can quickly degenerate into a conflict over who's the boss, with personal attacks being the mode of interaction.

Certainty

The person who reflects an attitude of certainty --who appears to know it all-- is likely to be resented and often sets up a defensive climate. After all, there is little room for negotiation or mutual problem solving when one person already has the answer. An attitude of provisionalism --"Let's explore this issue together and try to find a solution"-- is likely to be much more productive than an attitude of closed-mindedness.

The following suggestions will help you foster supportiveness rather than defensiveness:

• Talk descriptively rather than evaluatively,

• Focus on the problem rather than on personalities.

• Act and react honestly and spontaneously, rather than strategically,

• Empathize with the other person.

• Approach the conflict resolution process as an equal and treat the other person as an equal.

• Be provisional; suggest rather than demand.

FACE-ATTACKING AND FACE-ENHANCING STRATEGIES

In the discussion of politeness in Chapter 2 (p. 44), the concepts of face and face-threatening acts were introduced. The concept-; of face and face-threatening acts have special relevance to interpersonal conflict. Face-attacking conflict strategies are strategies that attack a person's positive face (e.g., making comments that criticize the person's contribution to a relationship or the person's ability) or a person's negative face (e.g., making demands on a person's time or resources that attack the person's autonomy). Face-enhancing conflict strategies, on the other hand, are those that support and confirm a person's positive face (e.g., praise, a pat on the hack, a sin­cere smile) or negative face (e.g., giving the person space and asking rather than demanding). One popular but destructive face-attacking strategy is beltlining (Llach & Wyden, 1968). Much like fighters in a ring, each of us has an emotional "beltline." When you hit below it, you can inflict serious injury. When you hit above the belt, however, the person is able to absorb the blow. With most interpersonal relationships, especially those of long standing, you know where the beltline is. You know, for ex­ample, that to hit Pat with the inability to have children is to hit below the belt. You know that to hit Chris with the failure to get a permanent job is to hit below the belt. This type of face-attacking strategy doesn't help move a conflict toward resolution, and often has the opposite effect of intensifying it. Keep blows to areas your opponent can absorb and handle.

Another such face-attacking strategy is blame. Instead of focus­ing on a solution to a problem, some people try to affix blame to the other person. Whether true or not, blaming is generally unproductive for at least two reasons. First, it diverts attention away from the prob­lem and from its potential solution. Second, it creates resentment that is likely to be responded to with resentment. The conflict then spirals into personal attacks, leaving the individuals and the relationship worse off than before the conflict was ever addressed.

Strategies that enhance positive face involve helping the other person to main­tain a positive image, an image as competent and trustworthy, able and good. Even when you get what you want, say by bargaining, it's wise to help the other person retain positive face; this makes it less likely that future conflicts will arise and increases the likelihood that the relationship can be repaired {Donahue, 1992).

Instead of using face-attacking strategies, consider face-saving strategies:

• Confirm the other person's self-image.

• Listen supportively and actively. Express your support or empathy: I can understand how you feel. I can appreciate that my handling the checkbook could create a feeling of inequality.

• Use I-messages that avoid blaming the other person.

• Use excuses and apologies as appropriate. (See Chapter 6, pp. 132 133.)

• Respect the other person's negative face needs by making few (if any) demands: also respect the other person's time, space (especially in times of stress), and point of view.

Face-Attacking

·        Face-Attacking degrades a person's image and contributes a person's contribution to a relationship or the person's ability. 

·        Beltlining- hitting below the belt where the person cannot absorb the "blow."

·        Blame- putting the problem on a person, whether it is true or not, instead of focusing on a solution.

Face-Attacking is a strategy in which one attacks another person's positive face or their negative face. Define positive and negative faces. Things like criticizing a person's ability to do something and making demands on a person's time are examples of a face-attacking strategy. A couple of common face-attacking strategies are beltlining and blame. Beltlining is when you "hit below the belt," where the person can be injured very easily. Blame isn't focusing on the problem at hand, and instead attaching the fault of the problem to another person, whether it is true or not. 

Face-Enhancing

·        Face-Enhancing maintains a person's positive image.

o   Confirm the other person's self-image.

o   Listen supportively and actively.

o   Use I-messages that avoid blaming the other person.

o   Use excuses and apologies as appropriate.

o   Respect the other person's negative face needs. 

Face-enhancing is a strategy in which one enhances a person's positive or negative image. Face-enhancing helps prevent future conflicts from happening because it helps a person rather than hurt them. Some good face-enhancing strategies for a positive face are to compliment the other person, helping their self-image, to listen supportively, apologize as appropriate, and by respecting the other person's negative face needs. You can also respect a person's negative face by requesting instead of demanding.

SILENCERS AND FACILITATING OPEN EXPRESSION

Silencers are a wide variety of unproductive fighting techniques that literally silence another person. One frequently used silencer is crying. When a person is unable to deal with a con­flict or when winning seems unlikely, the person may cry, and thus silence the other person. Another silencer is to feign extreme emotionalism-to yell and scream and pretend to be losing control. Still another is to develop some "physical" reaction-headaches and shortness of breath are probably the most popular. One of the major problems with such silencers is that as an opponent you can never be certain that they are mere tactics; they may be real physical reactions that you should pay attention to. Regardless of what you do, the conflict remains unexamined and unresolved. In addition to avoiding silencers, avoid power tactics {e.g., raising yow· voice or threaten­ing physical force) that suppress or inhibit freedom of expression. Such tactics are designed to put the other person down and to subvert real interpersonal equality.

Instead of using silencers, try to facilitate open expression:

• listen actively and give appropriate and positive feedback.

• Verbalize your appreciation for how the other person sees the conflict (say, by punctuat­ing the conflict episode differently).

• Create or increase immediacy-a sense of interest in and liking for the other person in an interchange (discussed in Chapter 6).

• Give the other person permission to express himself or herself openly and honestly.

GUNNYSACKING AND PRESENT FOCUS

The process of gunnysacking is the unproductive conflict strategy of storing up grievances- as if in a gunnysack-and then unloading them when an argument arises (Bach & Wyden, Communication 1968). The immediate occasion for unloading stored-up grievances may be relatively simple (or so it may seem at first); for example, say you come home late one night without calling. Instead of arguing about this, the gunnysacker pours out a mass of unrelated past grievances. As you probably know from experience, gunnysacking does nothing to help resolve conflict and often begets further gunnysacking. Frequently, the trigger problem never gets addressed. Instead, resentment and hostility escalate.

Instead of gunnysacking, focus on the present:

• Concentrate on the here and now, rather than on issues that occurred two months ago.

• Focus your conflict on the person with whom you're fighting, not on the person's mother, child, or friends.

VERBAL AGGRESSIVENESS AND ARGUMENTATIVENESS

An especially interesting perspective on conflict has emerged from work on verbal aggressiveness and argumentativeness, concepts that were isolated by communication researchers but quickly interested people in other disciplines such as psychology, education, and man­agement, among others (Infante, 1988; Rancer, 1998; Wigley, 1998; Rancer & Avtgis, 2006). Understanding these two concepts will help you understand some of the reasons why things go wrong and some of the ways in which you can use conflict to improve rather than dam­age your relationships (see Table 8.2). Verbal aggressiveness is a method of winning an argument by inflicting psychological pain, by attacking the other person's self-concept. The technique is a type of disconfirmation in that it seeks to discredit the individual's view of self. Argumentativeness, a quality to be cultivated rather than avoided, refers to your willing­ ness to argue for a point of view, your tendency to speak your mind on significant issues. It's the mode of dealing with disagreements that is the preferable alternative to verbal aggressiveness (Infante & Rancer) Argumentativeness differs greatly from verbal aggressiveness (Rancer & Avtgis, 2006). Argumentativeness is constructive in a vari­ety of communication situations and leads to relationship satisfaction.

In organizations, it enhances relationships between subordinates and supervisors. Verbal aggressiveness is destructive and leads to relationship dissatisfaction. In organizations, it demoralizes workers. Argumentative individuals are generally seen as having greater credibility; they're seen as more trustworthy, committed, and dynamic than their aggressive counterparts. In addition, argumentativeness is likely to increase your power of persuasion and will also increase the likelihood that you'll be seen as a leader. Aggressiveness tactics, on the other hand, decrease your power and your likelihood of being seen as a leader.

TABLE 8.2 Differences between Verbal Aggressiveness and Argumentativeness

Here are just a few differences between being verbally aggressive and arguing. As you read this table consider your own conflict tendencies.

Verbal Aggressiveness

Argumentativeness

·       Is destructive; the outcomes are negative in a variety of communication situations. ·        Leads to relationship dissatisfaction, not surprising for a strategy that aims to attack another's self-concept. ·       May lead to relationship violence. ·        Damages organizational life and demoralizes workers on varied levels. ·       Prevents meaningful parent-child communication and makes corporal punishment more likely. ·       Decreases the user's credibility, in part because it's seen as a tactic to discredit the person rather than address the argument. ·       Decreases the user's power of persuasion.

·       Is constructive; the outcomes are positive in a variety of communication situations. ·       Leads to relationship satisfaction. ·        May prevent relationship violence, especially in domestic relationships. ·        Enhances organizational life; for example, subordinates prefer supervisors who encourage argumentativeness. ·        Enhances parent-child communication and enables parents to gain greater compliance. ·        Increases the user's credibility; argumentatives are seen as trustworthy, committed, and dynamic. ·       Increases the user's power of persuasion; argumentatives are more likely to be seen as leaders.

Instead of being verbally aggressive, try to practice argumentativeness:

• Treat disagreements as objectively as possible. Avoid assuming that, because someone takes issue with your position or your interpretation, they're attacking you as a person.

• Center your arguments on Issues rather than personalities. Avoid attacking a person (rather than a person's arguments), even if this would give you a tactical advantage-it will probably backfire at some later time and make your relationship or group participation more difficult.

• Reaffirm the other person's sense of competence. Compliment the other person as appropriate.

• Allow the other person to state her or his position fully. Do this before you respond and, of course, avoid interrupting.

• Stress equality. Stress the similarities that you have with the other person or persons; stress your areas of agreement before attacking with disagreements.

• Express interest in the other person's position, attitude, and point of view.

• Avoid getting overemotional. Avoid using an overly loud voice or interjecting vulgar expressions that will prove offensive and eventually ineffective.

• Allow people to save face. Never humiliate another person.

KEY TERMS

Match the terms to the definitions.

a) Interpersonal conflict

b) Accommodating style

c) face-attacking strategies

d) Gunnysacking

e) Beltlining

f) Collaborating style

g) Verbal aggressiveness

h) Neutrality

i) Content conflict

j) Argumentativeness

1. An "I win, you win" approach to conflict management.

2. The willingness to argue for a point of view and to speak your mind without attacking the other person.

3. A kind of indifference that is likely to create defensiveness.

4. Disagreement between connected individuals.

5. Conflict strategies that attack the other person's self-image.

6. A conflict strategy in which stored-up prior grievances are introduced into the present conflict.

7. Disagreement that addresses issues external to the relationship and that does not challenge the agreed-on interpersonal relationship between the conflicting parties.

8. A conflict strategy in which one person attacks the other with criticisms that are difficult to absorb.

9. A method of trying to win an argument by inflicting psychological pain or distress.

10. An approach to conflict in which you sacrifice your own needs for the needs of the other person.

Answers: a=4, b=10, c=5, d=6, e=8, f=1, g=9, h=3, i=7, j=2

Chapter Review Quiz

1. Interpersonal conflict is ____

A. mutually aggressive behavior

B. interaction between persons expressing opposing needs or ideas

C. a set of behaviors that are best described as "interpersonal war"

D. a necessary, desirable communication state marked by essentially cooperative behavior

2. Daydreaming of more pleasant things while in a conflict with a friend represents which pattern of managing conflict?

A. withdrawing

B. accommodating

C. collaborating

D. forcing

3. Withdrawing ____.

A. is a good strategy when the issue is important

B. is never a good means of conflict management

C. will postpone discussion about the problem

D. should not be used when you don't know people well

4. The style of conflict management in which an individual has no concern for the needs and ideas of the other and is focused only on himself or herself is known as ____.

A. withdrawing

B. accommodating

C. collaborating

D. forcing

5. If each person gives up part of what each wants to provide at least some satisfaction for both parties, they are ____.

A. avoiding

B. accommodating

C. collaborating

D. compromising

6. The use of passive behavior that neglects your own needs in favor of satisfying others' needs is called:

A. avoiding

B. accommodating

C. collaborating

D. compromising

7. Tyla wants a two-story house, and her husband wants a single-level home. They agree to buy a split-level home because it is part two-story and part single-level. Neither really want the split-level, but it's the only option that offers what both of them want. This is an example of which conflict response style?

A. avoiding

B. accommodating

C. compromising

D. collaborating

8. The style of conflict resolution that is considered the best strategy in long-term relationships is ____.

A. avoiding

B. accommodating

C. collaborating

D. compromising

9. The style of conflict resolution that involves attempting to find a solution that is mutually satisfying is

____.

A. avoiding

B. collaborating

C. forcing

D. compromising

10. ____ is a win/lose situation, the person with the most power at that given time wins the conflict.

A. Withdrawing

B. Compromising

C. Forcing

D. Compliance

11. I win & I lose, you win & you lose style of conflict management that gives some satisfaction to both parties is _____.

A. withdrawal

B. accommodating

C. collaborating

D. compromising

12. The outlook of getting my way regardless of what I have to do is called:

A. withdrawal

B. accommodating

C. collaborating

D. forcing

13. The outlook of getting partial satisfaction by letting the other person get partial satisfaction as well is called:

A. withdrawal

B. accommodating

C. collaborating

D. compromising

           

14. The relational effect of hurting a relationship because one person takes advantage is called:

A. withdrawal

B. accommodating

C. collaborating

D. forcing

           

15. When approaching a conflict, you should start by:

A. stating ownership of the apparent problem

B. making sure the other person understands your problem

C. phrasing your request in a way that focuses on common ground

D. avoiding evaluations of the other person's motives

16. To effectively initiate a conflict, you should begin by using:

A. "you" statements

B. "we" statements

C. "I" statements

D. all of the above are effective ways to begin conflicts

           

17. "Seeking common ground" means:

A. giving in to the other person

B. faking agreement

C. looking for ways to be a friend

D. agreeing in part

18. All conflicts are viewed as negative, they de-enhance interpersonal relationships and pull people apart.

A.    True

B.    False

19. Withdrawing from a conflict can be useful at times, it allows partners time to "cool off."

A.    True

B.    False

20. People who are insecure in their relationships will accommodate in order to ensure their continuance.

A.    True

B.    False

21. All conflicts are resolvable, especially with improved communication skills.

A.    True

B.    False

22. Conflict is an extremely complex process and can take a great deal of time managing.

A.    True

B.    False

Practice Test

1. Which of the following is the BEST example of a control message?                           

A.    “I simply know more about this issue than you do. Your opinion is worthless.”

B.    “Look, you simply are not going out with the boys tonight.”

C.    “I need to know what our schedule will be for the next few days.”

D.    “You never plan ahead! That makes me so angry!”

 2. Among couples in romantic relationships, this is the issue most commonly cited as creating conflict.

A.    intimacy issues

B.    power issues

C.    distrust

D.    personal flaws

 3. In a relationship, greater independency results in __________.

A.    fewer issues to fight about

B.    less ill will and anxiety when conflict does occur

C.    greater impact on the individuals involved when conflict occurs

D.    decreased likelihood for interpersonal conflict

 4. Mom tells Andy to wash the dishes, but Andy does not want to. Instead, he marches to his room and locks the door. This conflict pattern is called __________.

A.    demand-withdrawal

B.    passive-aggressiveness

C.    rationalization

D.    back formation

 5

    With __________ you may get away from the conflict by simply walking away from it.

                       

    conflict control

                       

    conflict avoidance

                       

    face-attacking

                       

    force

 6

    Devon is tired and does not want to go out for the evening. Ralph tells her that he will serve her breakfast in bed the next morning if she will go out with him tonight. He actually has no intention of keeping his promise; he just said that to convince Devon to go out. Ralph’s behavior is an example of __________.

                       

    spontaneity

                       

    neutrality

                       

    force

                       

    manipulation

 7

    Blame is a good conflict resolution strategy because it focuses attention on the problem at hand.

    True

    False

 8

    In what way does argumentativeness differ from verbal aggressiveness?

                       

    Argumentativeness is disconfirmation strategy, while verbal aggressiveness is a confirmation strategy.

                       

    Argumentativeness is constructive, while verbal aggressiveness is destructive.

                       

    Argumentativeness creates defensiveness, while verbal aggressiveness fosters supportiveness.

                       

    Argumentativeness is a face-attacking strategy, while verbal aggressiveness is a face-enhancing strategy.

 9

    Donna and Marvin cannot agree on which movie to see tonight, so they wind up staying at home and not seeing any movie at all. Which conflict style is at play here?

                       

    competing

                       

    avoiding

                       

    compromising

                       

    collaborating

 10

    The accommodation conflict style is generally considered the ideal, because both your needs and your partner’s needs are met.

    True

    False

 11

    Talking descriptively rather than evaluatively, focusing on the problem rather than on personalities, and empathizing with the other person will help you foster a productive sense of __________ in conflict resolution.

                       

    neutrality

                       

    superiority

                       

    supportiveness

                       

    certainty

 12

    The BEST tactic you can take to avoid gunnysacking is to __________.

                       

    write down your grievances with the other person rather than telling them face-to-face

                       

    make constant eye contact with the other party to the conflict

                       

    concentrate on the present rather than on issues that occurred in the past

                       

    walk away from a conflict when it becomes too heated

 13

    An employee rises in the middle of a company meeting and challenges a statement made by the company president. In which of the following countries is this MOST likely to create an interpersonal conflict?

                       

    France

                       

    Canada

                       

    South Korea

                       

    Great Britain

 14

    Which of the following is a face-enhancing conflict strategy?

                       

    Ivy announces “allowance time!” and holds her hand out to her dad for this week’s payment.

                       

    Deb complains to Kirsten that she does all the laundry while Kirsten sits around all day being lazy.

                       

    Al tells Kevin that he would really appreciate help in carrying in the groceries, if Kevin has time to do so.

                       

    Harmony screams from the shower for her mother to bring her some shampoo.

 15

    Compromise represents a(n) __________ philosophy.

                       

    I Lose, You Win

                       

    You Win, I Lose

                       

    I Win and Lose, You Win and Lose

                       

    I Lose, You Lose

 16

    Conflict often leads to increased negative regard for the opponent, because many conflicts involve unfair fighting methods.

    True

    False

 17

    Which of the following statements about conflict strategies is correct?

                       

    We tend to use the same conflict management strategies all the time.

                       

    Extroverts tend to avoid conflict rather than fight actively.

                       

    Our preferred conflict management strategy usually does not change, no matter what our goal is.

                       

    If you have not unlearned family conflict patterns, you are likely to repeat them.

 18

    A superior attitude is a violation of the implicit equality contract that people in a close relationship have.

    True

    False

 19

    Argumentative individuals are generally seen as __________ than their aggressive counterparts.

                       

    more in control

                       

    more competent

                       

    more intelligent

                       

    more credible

 20

    Which of the following is an example of a relationship conflict?

                       

    Midori is ready to move in with Dan; Dan is not so sure this is a good idea.

                       

    Rhonda thinks the Rolling Stones are the greatest rock band of all time; Elaine thinks the Beatles are much greater.

                       

    Madeline wants to watch football on TV this afternoon, but Harrison would prefer to watch a movie.

                       

    Larry thinks his new tie is really sharp, but his wife Edith thinks it looks terrible.

 21

    In which of the following scenarios is a silencer being used?

                       

    Markos let his friend borrow his car. The friend returned the car with an empty tank of gas. When Markos complained about this, his friend said it was “no big deal.”

                       

    William tells his wife that he understands how his wife feels left out of the process when he purchases large appliances without first consulting her.

                       

    Barb comes home late one night. Instead of focusing on this, her angry roommate goes on and on about the time Barb burned dinner, and how Barb didn’t do the dishes last week, and how Barb picked the last three movies they watched.

                       

    It looks as if Dana is not going to win the argument she is having with her brother, so she begins to cry.

 22

    A sense of interest in and liking for the other person in an exchange is called __________.

                       

    immediacy

                       

    superiority

                       

    neutrality

                       

    certainty

 23

    Which of the following is an example of collaboration?

                       

    Tonight Caroline and Adrian will go out for Chinese food, as Caroline wished; the next time they eat out, Adrian will get to pick.

                       

    The kids want ice cream, but Dad says no. “You’ve had too many sweets lately,” he says. “No ice cream tonight.”

                       

    Millie wants to vacation at the beach; Dontrelle wants to go to the mountains. Rather than going either place, they decide to save their money for a flat-screen TV instead.

                       

    Charlie wants to pile up in bed and take a nap, but Brigitte wants to go sledding. To please Brigitte, Charlie agrees to go sledding with her.

 24

    Which of the following is the most mature way to handle a conflict?

                       

    telling the other person you will call the police if he or she does not shut up

                       

    threatening to smack the other person if you do not get your way

                       

    explaining what you think is the problem and listening to what the other person says

                       

    turning up the stereo loudly to drown out the other person

 25

    Diane really has a taste for spaghetti for dinner tonight, but her husband Frank wants vegetable soup. This is likely to generate conflict.

    True

    False

1

    Which of the following statements is a descriptive message?

                             

    “If I’m going to do the cooking, I need you to wash the dishes afterwards.”

                             

    “That was the worst lasagna I’ve ever had. How could you serve that to my parents?”

                             

    “You always flirt with her anytime we go out.”

                             

    “I wish you weren’t so lazy.”

 2

    At times, conflict can lead you to close yourself off from the other person.

    True

    False

 3

    In which of the following scenarios is neutrality being demonstrated?

                             

    Ruby expresses some skepticism about the herbal remedy Blake recommends for her cold, but Blake cuts her off by pointing out that he has researched the topic and she hasn’t.

                             

    Julie tells her daughter, Jessica, that she is grounded until she cleans her room and finishes all of her homework.

                             

    Deanna and Riley were going to go out with friends tonight, but Deanna got sick. She would prefer that Riley stay home with her, but Riley said, “It’s too bad that you’re sick. Why should that ruin MY evening?”

                             

    When Chase learns that Aretha has crashed their car, he exclaims, “Well, if you would pay attention behind the wheel, this wouldn’t have happened!”

 4

    Which of the following is an example of a face-attacking conflict strategy?

                             

    listening actively

                             

    making demands on a person’s time

                             

    using I-messages

                             

    apologizing when necessary

 5

    Which statement BEST reflects an attitude of provisionalism?

                             

    “Let’s explore this issue together and try to find a solution.”

                             

    “I read all about this on the Internet. I know I’m right.”

                             

    “My professor told us about this in class yesterday. That proves you’re wrong.”

                             

    “Nothing you could ever show me will convince me that fluoride is safe.”

 6

    Which of the following people is taking an active role in the interpersonal conflict?

                             

    Owen tells Patricia that everybody thinks she is wrong about the situation they are fighting about.

                             

    Aubrey listens to her friend’s complaint, but she is not afraid to express her feelings as well.

                             

    Layla presses her point in her argument with Rafe by bringing up all the bad things Rafe has done over the years.

                             

    Gavin interrupts his discussion with Geraldo to take a call on his smartphone.

 7

    The compromising strategy shows __________ for your own needs and __________ concern for other’s needs.

                             

    great; little

                             

    some; some

                             

    little; great

                             

    great; some

 8

    Which of the following is LEAST likely to cause a conflict in the workplace?

                             

    Denver drives a Ford, but his co-worker Misty drives a Chevrolet.

                             

    Elijah’s boss never seems to give him clear instructions on the tasks she wants him to perform.

                             

    Richard, who sits in the next cubicle over from Jean, hums tunelessly all day long.

                             

    At a lunchtime discussion, Abigail declares that she is an atheist and says that she considers religion to be “a crutch used by weaklings.”

 9

    In which of the following countries is conflict more likely to occur when people violate expected norms?

                             

    South Korea

                             

    Indonesia

                             

    Canada

                             

    Ecuador

 10

    Which of the following tactics is MOST likely to yield a sense of supportiveness in conflict resolution?

                             

    indifference

                             

    certainty

                             

    spontaneity

                             

    superiority

 11

    Argumentativeness __________.

                             

    increases the user’s credibility

                             

    usually leads to relationship dissatisfaction

                             

    damages organizational life

                             

    decreases the power of persuasion

 12

    Which of the following is a myth about interpersonal conflict?

                             

    Conflict need not damage your friendships.

                             

    It is generally not a good idea to simply avoid conflict if something is really bothering you.

                             

    Conflict can sometimes strengthen a relationship.

                             

    In any conflict, there must be a winner and a loser.

 13

    Violet knows that Ling is sensitive about her weight, so whenever they have a fight, Violet throws in a comment about how fat Ling is getting. This is an example of __________.

                             

    gaslighting

                             

    grapevining

                             

    stereotyping

                             

    beltlining

 14

    Alexander and Avery have been having trouble conceiving a child. Alexander wants to adopt; Avery wants to pursue fertility treatments. This is an example of a relationship conflict.

    True

    False

 15

    Which of the following pairs are MOST likely to experience interpersonal conflict?

                             

    Donna, a barber, and her customer, Tom

                             

    Lawrence and William, who live next door to each other

                             

    Mary and Joan, who have been best friends for 20 years

                             

    you and your high school English teacher

 16

    Starla resolves her conflict with Mitch by using the competing strategy. What is Mitch’s likely response to this?

                             

    satisfaction

                             

    resentment

                             

    acceptance

                             

    neutrality

 17

    In one study, only about 10 percent of both single people and married couples reported that they had experienced physical violence in their relationships.

    True

    False

 18

    This type of conflict centers on objects, events, and persons that are usually external to the parties involved.

                             

    content conflict

                             

    ersatz conflict

                             

    relationship conflict

                             

    authentic conflict

 19

    You are likely to select the same conflict management strategies when you are sad as when you are angry.

    True

    False

 20

    In this conflict style, your main goal is to maintain harmony and peace in the relationship.

                             

    accommodating

                             

    avoiding

                             

    collaborating

                             

    competing

 21

    Research suggests that one way women differ from men in the way they deal with interpersonal conflict is that women __________.

                             

    are more likely to want to talk about and resolve the conflict

                             

    typically try to withdraw from conflict

                             

    use far fewer prosocial strategies than men

                             

    are more apt to fight when they are offended

 22

    With __________ you refuse to discuss the conflict or listen to the other person’s argument.

                             

    neutrality

                             

    nonnegotiation

                             

    force

                             

    active fighting

 23

    The avoidance conflict strategy is the best because it totally eliminates the conflict.

    True

    False

 24

    Why is the collaboration conflict style generally considered to be the best?

                             

    Used properly, it can completely eliminate conflict in a relationship.

                             

    It addresses the needs of everyone involved in the conflict.

                             

    It is the least time-consuming of all the conflict styles.

                             

    It generates a clear winner, which every conflict must have.

 25

    Margo and Fred have been married for 30 years. When they inherit $50,000 from Margo’s late uncle, they have to decide what to do with it. Margo wants to put the money into a mutual fund. Fred agrees. In this case, there is no conflict between Margo and Fred because __________.

                             

    the two of them are interdependent

                             

    their goals are compatible

                             

    they are a traditional couple

                             

    it was Margo’s uncle who left them the money, so Fred has no say in what to do with it