Chapter 7 - Review

Chapter 7 - Interpersonal Relationships

Contact with other human beings is so important that when you're deprived of it for long periods, depression sets in, self-doubt surfaces, and you may find it difficult to manage even the basics of daily life. Research shows clearly that the most important contributor to happiness-outranking money, job, and sex-is a close relationship with one other person. The desire for relationships is universal. Interpersonal relationships are important to men and to women, to homosexuals and to heterosexuals, to the young and to the old. Not surprisingly, this seems the principle motivation for much of social media communication. This chapter looks at some of the advantages and disadvantages of interpersonal relationships, the stages of relationships, the varied types of relationships, theories that explain why we enter and exit relationships, and the influence of culture, technology, and work on our relationships.

Advantages and Disadvantages of Interpersonal Relationships

A good way to begin the study of interpersonal relationships.is to examine your own relationships (past, present, or those you look forward to) by asking yourself what your relationships do for you. What are the advantages and the disadvantages! Visualize a 10-point scale on which 1 indicates that your relationship never serves this function, 10 indicates that your relationship always serves this function, and the numbers in between indicate levels between these extremes. You may wish to do this twice-once for your face-to-face relationships and once for your online relationships.

1. My relationships help to lessen my loneliness.

2. My relationships help me gain in self-knowledge and in self-esteem.

3. My relationships help enhance my physical and emotional health.

4. My relationships maximize my pleasures and minimize my pains.

5. My relationships help me to secure stimulation (intellectual, physical, and emotional).

Let's elaborate just a bit on each of these commonly accepted advantages of interpersonal communication:

1. One of the major benefits of relationships is that they help to lessen loneliness. They make you feel that someone cares, that someone likes you, that someone will protect you, that someone ultimately will love you.

2. Through contact with others you learn about yourself and see yourself from different perspectives and in different roles, as a child or parent, as a coworker, as a manager, as a best friend. Healthy interpersonal relationships help enhance self-esteem and self-worth. Simply having a friend or romantic partner (at least most of the time) makes you feel desirable and worthy.

3. Research consistently shows that interpersonal relationships contribute significantly to physical and emotional health and to personal happiness. Without close interpersonal relationships you're more likely to become depressed-and this depression, in turn, contributes significantly to physical illness. Isolation, in fact, contributes as much to mortality as high blood pressure, high cholesterol, obesity, smoking, or lack of physical exercise.

4. The most general function served by interpersonal relationships, and the function that encompasses all the others, is that of maximizing pleasure and minimizing pain.

Your good friends, for example, will make you feel even better about your good fortune and less hurt when you're confronted with hardships.

5. As plants are heliotropic and orient themselves to light, humans are stimulotropic and orient themselves to sources of stimulation. Human contact is one of the best ways to secure this stimulation-intellectual, physical, and emotional. Even an imagined relationship seems better than none.

Now, respond to these sentences as you did to the above.

6. My relationships put uncomfortable pres8ure on me to expose my vulnerabilities.

7. My relationships increase my obligations.

8. My relationships prevent me from developing other relationships.

9. My relationships scare me because they may be difficult to dissolve.

10. My relationships hurt me.

These statements express what most people would consider disadvantages of interpersonal relationships.

6. Close relationships put pressure on you to reveal yourself and to expose your vulnerabilities. Although this is generally worthwhile in the context of a supporting and caring relationship, it may backfire if the relationship deteriorates and these weaknesses are used against you.

7. Close relationships increase your obligations to other people, sometimes to a great extent your time is no longer entirely your own. And although you enter relationships to spend more time with these special people, you also incur time (and perhaps financial) obligations with which you may not be happy.

8. Close relationships can lead you to abandon other relationships. Sometimes the other relationship involves someone you like, but your partner can't stand. More often, however, it's simply a matter of time and energy; relationships take a lot of both and you have less to give to these other and less intimate relationships.

9. The closer your relationships, the more emotionally difficult they are to dissolve, a feeling which may be uncomfortable for some people. If a relationship is deteriorating, you may feel distress or depression. In some cultures, for example, religious pressures may prevent married couples from separating. And if considerable money is involved, dissolving a relationship can often mean giving up the fortune you've spent your life accumulating.

10. And, of course, your partner may break your heart. Your partner may leave you-against all your pleading and promises. Your hurt will be in proportion to how much you care and need your partner. If you care a great deal, you're likely to experience great hurt; if you care less, the hurt will be less-it's one of little ironies.

The Stages of Interpersonal Relationships

As a preface to this discussion, realize that different cultures will view relationships very differently. What is presented here is generally derived from research conducted in the United

States, and so, for example, the assumption made is that you voluntarily choose your relationship partners-that you consciously choose to pursue certain relationships and not others. In some cultures, however, your parents choose your romantic partner for you. In some cases your husband or wife is chosen to unite two families or to bring some financial advantage to your family or village. In the United States, researchers study and textbook authors write about dissolving relationships and how to survive relationship breakups. It's generally assumed that you have the right to exit an undesirable relationship. However, in some cultures you simply cannot dissolve a relationship once it has been formed or once there are children. More important to such cultures may be issues such as how to maintain a relationship that has problems, what to do to survive in an unpleasant relationship, and how to repair a troubled relationship. You and another person don't become intimate friends immediately on meeting. Rather, you build an intimate relationship gradually, through a series of steps or stages. The same is true of most relationships. The model in Figure 7.1 (page 139) describes the six main stages in relationships: contact, involvement, intimacy, deterioration, repair, and dissolution, each of which has an early and a late phase. These stages describe relationships as they are; they don't evaluate or prescribe how relationships should be. For a particular relationship, you might wish to modify the basic model, hut as a general description the stages seem fairly standard. They are also applicable generally to face-to-face as well as to online relationships. As you read about these stages, keep in mind that both partners may not perceive their relationship in the same way; one person, for example, may see the relationship as having reached the intimate stage and the other may not.

Social network sites seem to recognize this stage nature of relationships by enabling you to treat your online "friends" differently. For example, the circles on Google- and the "friend’s lists" on Facebook enable you to group people on the basis of the information that you want them to be able to access. This makes it very easy to distinguish acquaintances from intimate friends, for example, as well as family from friends from workplace colleagues.

CONTACT

At the initial phase of the contact stage, there is some kind of perceptual contact-you see, hear, and perhaps smell the person. From this you get a physical picture: gender, approximate age, height, and so on. Or you might browse a group of photos and profiles from an online dating site. After this perception there is usually interactional contact, which is superficial and relatively impersonal This is the stage at which you exchange basic information that is preliminary to any more intense involvement (”Hello, my name is Joe"); you initiate interaction ("May I join you?") and engage in invitational communication ("May I buy you coffee?"). With online relationships each of you will have read the other's profile and so will know quite a lot about each other before you even begin to talk. According to some researchers, it's at this stage-within the first four minutes of initial interaction-that you decide whether you want to pursue the relationship. At the contact stage, physical appearance is especially important, because it's the characteristic most readily seen. Yet, through verbal and nonverbal behaviors, personal qualities such as friendliness, warmth, openness, and dynamism are also revealed. 'With online relations people may profile themselves as warm or open or dynamic and, as a result, you may actually see the person's messages confirming this labeling.

INVOLVEMENT

At the involvement stage a sense of mutuality, of being connected, develops. Here you experiment and try to learn more about the other person. At the initial phase of involvement, a kind of testing goes on. You want to see whether your initial judgment proves reasonable,

You may ask questions: "Where do you work?" "What are you majoring in?" If you want to get to know the person even better, you might continue your involvement by intensifying your interaction and by beginning to reveal yourself, though in a preliminary way. In a dating relationship, you might, for example, use a variety of strategies to help you move to the next stage and perhaps to intimacy, Here, you're committed to getting to know someone even better and so you might follow that person on Twitter or read the postings, photos, and causes, for example, on Facebook. And at this stage you continue your involvement by intensifying your interaction; the texting becomes more frequent, the Facebook postings become more complimentary and more frequent, and the photos exchanged become increasingly more personal and revealing. For example, you might increase contact with your partner; give your partner tokens of affection, such as gifts, cards, or flowers; write affectionate messages on a person's Facebook wall, increase your own personal attractiveness; do things that suggest intensifying the relationship, such as flirting or making your partner jealous; and become more physically intimate.

INTIMACY

The contact and involvement stages make up relationship development-a movement toward intimacy. At the intimacy stage you commit yourself still further to the other person and establish a relationship in which this individual becomes your best or closest friend, lover, or companion. Because intimacy is essentially an emotional communication connection, it can occur in face-to-face and in online relationships equally. You also come to share each other's social networks, a practice followed by members of widely different cultures. This is seen most clearly on social network sites where the site itself identifies people with whom you might want to become "friends” based on mutual friends or interests. Both the quantity and the quality of your interpersonal exchanges increase, and of course you also talk more and in greater detail about the relationship. Not surprisingly, your relationship satisfaction also increases with the move to this stage. One research study defined intimacy as the feeling that you can be honest and open when talking about yourself, sharing thoughts and feelings that you don't reveal in other relationships.

The intimacy stage usually divides itself into two phases. In the interpersonal commitment phase, the two people commit themselves to each other in a private way. In the social bonding phase, the commitment is made public-perhaps to-family and friends, perhaps to the public at large, perhaps with a simple “married to" on Facebook. Here you and your partner become a unit, an identifiable pair.

DETERIORATION

The relationship deterioration stage is characterized by a weakening of the bonds between the friends or lovers. The first phase of deterioration is usually intrapersonal dissatisfaction: You begin to experience personal dissatisfaction with everyday interactions and begin to view the future with your partner more negatively. If this dissatisfaction grows, you pass to the second phase, interpersonal deterioration. You withdraw and grow further and further apart. You share less of your free time. You exchange fewer messages. When you're together, there are awkward silences, fewer disclosures, less physical contact, and a lack of psychological closeness. Conflicts become more common and their resolution more difficult. Relationship deterioration involves unique communication patterns.

During the deterioration stage you may, for example, increase withdrawal, communicate less, respond to Facebook pokes and requests for "likes" less often; texting becomes infrequent, and face-to-face meetings are fewer. In communication, each person reduces his or her level of self-disclosure. These patterns are in part a response to the deterioration; you communicate the way you do because you feel that your relationship is in trouble. However, these patterns are also causative: The communication patterns you use largely determine the fate of your relationship.

REPAIR

At this stage of a relationship, some partners may pause during deterioration and try to seek repair. Others, however, may progress without stopping to dissolution. At the first repair phase, intrapersonal repair, you analyze what went wrong and consider ways of solving your relational difficulties. You might at this stage consider changing your behaviors or perhaps changing your expectations of your partner. You might also evaluate the rewards of your relationship as it is now and the rewards to be gained if your relationship ended. Should you decide that you want to repair your relationship, you might move to the interpersonal repair phase-you might discuss with your partner the problems in the relationship, the changes you want to see, and perhaps what you'd be willing to do and what you'd want your partner to do. This is the stage of negotiating new agreements and new behaviors. You and your partner might try to repair your relationship by yourselves, or you might seek the advice of friends, family, or relationship therapists. Fortunately, social media sites offer considerable help in making relationship repair by providing ready access to cards and virtual gifts, for example, to help you express your desire to repair the relationship.

DISSOLUTION

Dissolution-the last stage in the relationship model-involves cutting the bonds that tie you together. In the beginning it usually takes the form of interpersonal separation: If it's an online friendship, you might defriend or uncircle or perhaps, most often, just cut off communication.

You might move into your own apartments and begin to lead separate lives. If the separation works better than the original relationship, you enter the phase of social or public separation. Avoidance of each other and a return to a "single" status are among the primary characteristics of the dissolution of a relationship.

Interpersonal Relationship Types

Each relationship, whether friendship or love, for example, is unique. Yet there are general types that research has identified- and these categories will offer considerable insight into your own interpersonal relationships. Here we consider friendship, love, family, work, and online-only relationships.

FRIENDSHIP

One theory of friendship identifies three major types that we can easily see in our own face-to-face and online relationships: (1) friendship of reciprocity, (2) friendship of receptivity, and (3) friendship of association.

·       The friendship of reciprocity, the ideal type, is characterized by loyalty, self-sacrifice, mutual affection, and generosity. This type of friendship is based on equality, where each individual shares equally in giving and receiving the benefits and rewards of the relationship.

·       In the friendship of receptivity, in contrast, there is an imbalance in giving and receiving; one person is the primary giver and the other the primary receiver. This is a positive imbalance, however, because each person gains something from the relationship.

The different needs of both the person who receives affection and the person who gives it are satisfied. This is the friendship that may develop between a teacher and a student or between a doctor and a patient. In fact, a difference in status is essential for the friendship of receptivity to develop.

·       The friendship of association is transitory; it might be described as a friendly relationship rather than a true friendship. Associative friendships are the kind you have with classmates, neighbors, or coworkers. There is no great loyalty, no great trust, no great giving or receiving. The association is cordial but not intense.

LOVE

Like friendships, romantic partnerships come in different styles as well. Six primary love styles have been identified:

Eros love seeks beauty and sensuality and focuses on physical attractiveness, sometimes to the exclusion of qualities others might consider more important and more lasting. The erotic lover has an idealized image of beauty that is unattainable in reality. Consequently, the erotic lover often feels unfulfilled.

Ludic love seeks entertainment and excitement and sees love as fun, a game. To the ludic lover, love is not to be taken too seriously; emotions are to be held in check lest they get out of hand and make trouble. The ludic lover retains a partner only so long as the partner is interesting and amusing. When the partner is no longer interesting enough, it's time to change.

Storge love is a peaceful and tranquil love. Like ludic love, storge lacks passion and intensity. Storgic lovers set out not to find a lover but to establish a companionable relationship with someone they know and with whom they can share interests and activities. Storgic love is a gradual process of unfolding thoughts and feelings and is sometimes difficult to distinguish from friendship.

Pragma love is practical and traditional and seeks compatibility and a relationship in which important needs and desires will be satisfied. The pragma lover is concerned with the social qualifications of a potential mate even more than with personal qualities; family and background are extremely important to the pragma lover, who relies not so much on feelings as on logic.

Manic love is an obsessive love that needs to give and receive constant attention and affection. When attention and affection are not constant, or when an expression of increased commitment is not returned, reactions such as depression, jealousy, and self-doubt can lead to extreme lows.

Agapic love is compassionate and selfless. The agapic lover loves both the stranger on the road and the annoying neighbor. Jesus, Buddha and Gandhi practiced and preached this unqualified spiritual love- a love that is offered without concern for personal reward or gain and without any expectation that the love will be reciprocated.

Men and women differ in the types of love they prefer. For example, men indicate a preference for erotic and ludic love, whereas women indicate a preference for manic, pragmatic, and storgic love. No difference was found for agapic love, Women and men seem to experience love to a similar degree. However, women indicate greater love than men do for their same-sex friends. This may reflect a real difference between the sexes, or it may be a function of the greater social restrictions on men. A man is not supposed to admit his love for another man, but women are permitted to communicate their love for other women.

FAMILY RELATIONSHIPS

Families are central to contemporary life. It will come as no surprise to note that families come in various configurations and are undergoing major changes. Table 7.1 provides a few findings from the U.S. Census to illustrate some of the major changes. The communication principles that apply to the traditional nuclear family (i.e., the mother-father-child family) also apply to all family configurations. In the discussion that follows, the term primary relationship denotes the relationship between two principal parties-husband and wife, husband-husband, wife-wife, lovers, or domestic partners, for example-and the term family may denote a broader constellation that includes children, relatives, and assorted significant others.

TABLE 7.1 - The American Family

Here are several findings on the American family from the United States Census. For each finding, indicate what you think the reasons for these changes might be and the possible trends they indicate. In one sentence of not more than 140 characters, summarize the changes you see happening in the American family.

• The percentage of one-person households increased from 25% in 1990 to 27% in 2010.

• The percentage of multigenerational households increased from 14% in 1990 to 16% in 2010.

• The percentage of births by unmarried women increased from 26% in 1990 to 41% in 2010.

• Fifty percent of women who marry did so at 24 in 1990; In 2010 50% married at 26.

• In 2000 (the first year the U.S. Census Bureau allowed people to indicate more than one race), 1.6% indicated mixed race; in 2010 it was 2%.

• In 2005, 53% of men and 46% of women between the ages of 18 and 24 lived with their parents; in 2011 59% of men and 50% of women did.

• In 2000, 57% of all adults were married; in 2010, 51% were married.

• In 2000, the average size of the family was 2.62; in 2010, it was 2.59.

A primary relationship is a relationship between two people that the partners see as their most important interpersonal relationship. An interesting typology of primary relationships (based on more than 1,000 couples' responses to questions concerning their degree of sharing, their space needs, their conflicts, and the time they spend together) identifies three basic types: traditionals, independents, and separates.

·       Traditional couples share a basic belief system and philosophy of life. They see themselves as a blending of two persons into a single couple rather than as two separate individuals. They’re interdependent and believe that each individual's independence must be sacrificed for the good of the relationship. In their communications, traditionals are highly responsive to each other. They lean toward each other, smile, talk a lot, interrupt each other, and finish each other's sentences.

·       Independents stress their individuality. The relationship is important, but never more important than each person’s individual identity. Although independents spend a great deal of Lime together, they don't ritualize it, for example, with schedules. Each individual spends time with outside friends. The communication between independents is responsive. They engage in conflict openly and without fear. Their disclosures are quite extensive and include high-risk and negative disclosures that are typically absent among traditionals.

·       Separates live together, but they view their relationship more as a matter of convenience than a result of their mutual love or closeness. They seem to have little desire to be together and. in fact, usually are together only at ritual occasions such as mealtime or holiday get-togethers. It's important to these separates that each has his or her own physical as well as psychological space. The most significant characteristic of this type is that each person sees himself or herself as a separate individual and not as a part of a "we."

Like couples, families can also be classified in any number of ways-for example, according to the number of people in the family, their affectional orientation, the presence or absence of children or of extended family members. In a communication-oriented typology, family types are looked at in terms of conformity and conversation.

Conformity-orientation refers to the degree to which family members express similar or dissimilar attitudes, values, and beliefs. So, we can speak of high-conformity families as those who express highly similar attitudes, beliefs, and values and try to avoid conflict, and low-conformity families as those whose members express highly divergent attitudes, beliefs and values and may frequently engage in conflict interactions. As you can appreciate, families high in conformity are likely to be harmonious with children who are expected to obey their parents, largely without question. Families who are low in conformity are likely to be less harmonious with children who are given greater freedom to say or do as they wish.

Conversation-orientation refers to the degree to which family members can speak their mind. A family high on conversation orientation encourages members to discuss a variety of issues and the voicing of members' opinions. A family low on conversation orientation discourages discussion and the voicing of opinions.

With these two dimensions in mind, we can identify four types of families:

• Consensual families: high in conversation and high in conformity. These families encourage open communication and agreement.

• Protective families: high in conformity and low in conversation. These families stress agreement and strive to avoid conflict but with little communication.

• Pluralistic families: low in conformity and high in conversation. These family members are encouraged to express different attitudes and points or view and to engage in open communication while being supportive of each other.

• Laissez-faire families: low in confirmation and low in conversation. These families avoid interaction and communication; encourage privacy, and a "do what you want" attitude.

These family types are simply descriptions and are not meant to be evaluation; no assumption is made that one family type is better or more productive than another. What works for some people will not work for others.

WORK RELATIONSHIPS

Workplace relationships come in a variety of types. Here we'll consider just four: we'll begin with the more positive relationships (networking, mentoring, and romance) and conclude with the negative bullying,

Networking Relationships

Networking can be viewed as a process of using other people to help you solve your problems, or at least to offer insights, that bear on any number of problems or decisions you need to make. The most popular image that probably comes to mind is networking for a possible job. But networking is much broader and would include, for example, how to set up a blog, where to look for low-cost auto insurance, how to find an affordable apartment, or how to politely refuse an invitation to become a friend on Facebook. The great value of networking, of course, is that it provides you with access to a wealth of specialized information. At the same time, it often makes accessing that information a lot easier than if you had to find it all by yourself. In networking it's often recommended that you try to establish relationships that are mutually beneficial. After all, much as others are useful sources of information for you, you're likely to be a useful source of information for others. If you can provide others with helpful information, it's more likely that they will provide helpful information for you. In this way, a mutually satisfying and productive network is established.

Mentoring Relationships

Mentoring is a partnership in which an experienced individual (the mentor) helps someone who is less experienced (the protégé) learn how to achieve his or her goals. Having a mentor, some organizational experts argue, is crucial for rising in a hierarchy and for developing your skills. An accomplished teacher, for example, might mentor a younger teacher who has newly arrived or who has never taught before. The mentor guides the new person through the organizational maze, teaches the strategies and techniques for success, and otherwise communicates his or her accumulated knowledge and experience to the protégé. Not surprisingly, mentoring is frequently conducted online. One great advantage of e-mentoring is the flexibility it allows for communication. E-mail messages, for example, can be sent and received at times that are convenient for the individuals involved. Further, because the individuals may be separated geographically, it's possible to have mentor-protégé relationships with people in foreign countries and in widely differing cultures-relationships that would be impossible without online communication. Still another advantage is that persons with disabilities (whether mentor or protégé) who cannot easily travel can still enjoy and profit from e-mentoring relation­ ships.

Social networking sites, designed originally as places where people could make new friends and stay in touch with old ones, are increasingly being used for both mentoring and networking.

Some sites are "by invitation only" and have been compared to gated communities or exclusive country clubs.

These sites seem designed not for friendships but solely for mentoring and networking. For ex ample, Reuters Space is a private online community specifically for hedge fund managers to network, and INmobile is designed for executives in the wireless industry.

Workplace Romance

Opinions vary widely concerning workplace romances. On the positive side, the work environment seems a perfect place to meet a potential romantic partner. After all, by virtue of the fact that you're working in the same office, you're probably both interested in the same field, have similar training ambitions, and spend considerable time together-all factors that foster the development of a successful of interpersonal relationship. Another advantage is that office romances can lead to greater work satisfaction. If you're romantically attracted to another worker, it can make going to work, working together, and even working added hours more enjoyable and satisfying. Office relationships, however, may cause problems for management when, for example, a promotion is to be made or relocation decisions are necessary. When an office romance goes bad or when it's one-sided, it can be especially difficult. One obvious problem is that it can be stressful for the former partners to see each other regularly and to continue to work. Other workers may feel they have to take sides, being supportive of one partner and the other, which can cause friction throughout the organization. Another, perhaps more serious, issue is the potential for charges of sexual harassment, especially if the romance between a supervisor and a worker. The generally negative attitude of management (as well as explicit policies, rules, regulations) toward workplace relationships and the problems inherent in dealing normal stresses of both work and romance seem to outweigh the positive benefits that may be derived from such relationships. Therefore, workers are generally advised not to romance their colleagues. Friendship seems the much safer course.

Bullying

Bullying, especially prominent in the workplace (but also occurs in close relationships, the playground, or even the family) consists of abusive acts repeatedly committed by one person (or a group) against another. Bullying is behavior that has become a pattern; it's repeated frequently rather than being an isolated instance. On the playground, bullying often involves physical abuse; in the workplace (at least in most civilized countries), bullying is generally verbal. Bullying may take a variety of forms: gossiping about other employees, making them the butt of jokes, treating them as inferior-for example, frequently interrupting them or otherwise not giving their ideas due attention-excluding someone from social functions, verbal insults, name calling, negative facial expressions, sneering, avoiding eye contact, excessive blaming, being supervised (watched, monitored) more closely than others, being unnecessarily criticized, often with shouting and in public. From an ethical point of view, bullying destroys a person's right to personal dignity and a workplace free from intimidation and is therefore unethical. And yet, bullying is not illegal in the United States, unless it involves harassment based on a person's gender or race, for example. A special type of bullying is cyberbullying, which can take place

through any electronic communication system-Facebook, Twitter, e-mail, instant messages, blog posts-and can take the form of sending threatening messages or images, posting negative comments, revealing secrets, or lying about another person. Among the reasons why cyberbullying is so important is that it can occur at any time; the messages, photos, and videos can be distributed quickly and widely; the bully can hide behind false names or anonymity; and attacks-because the)' occur electroni­cally-are often more cruel than those made in face-to-face attacks.

ONLINE-ONLY RELATIONSHIPS

In addition to the friendships, romantic, family, and workplace relationships-which will probably involve both face-to-face and online experiences-there is another group of what might be called "online-only" relationships. These are the relationships that exist between a Tweeter and a follower, a blogger and a reader, a friend or contact on Facebook or LinkedIn, for example.

The suggestions for more effective relationships are the same as are the suggestions for more effective communication. In all of these relationships, it is dialogue (rather than monologue) that is emphasized. Iin fact, the defining characteristics of Web 2.0 is to move the online experience from monologue (for example, reading newspapers online) to dialogue (where commenting/reviewing/liking/+ ing) are essential parts of the communication experience.

Tweeting

Unlike other social network sites, people can follow you on Twitter whether you like it or not. But, assuming that you want some kind of relationships between yourself and those who follow you, consider these suggestions.

In all of these lists of suggestions, the recommendations are generally applicable to all social networks and yet some seem more logically placed with one medium rather than another.

• Leave-room for retweets (if you want retweets), Keep your tweet to 120 characters.

• Avoid "fast following" tools. These will likely create problems for you.

• Tweet items of interest to yourself but also keep in mind your readers.

• Treat criticism as the start of a dialogue rather than a personal attack.

• Tweet in moderation. Not everything that happens deserves a tweet.

• Tweet positively; avoid angry tweets.

• Create a complete profile; revealing what you want and keeping hidden what you don't want revealed.

• Limit promotional materials; Twitter is personal.

• Retweet if you wish to be retweeted.

Blogging

Although many people view blogs as monologic, they are best viewed as dialogic. Their great value is in creating dialogue and so a blog post-at least for the traditional blog, is ideally one that provides information with a personal slant for a specific audience that creates some measure of discussion. Assuming that this is your aim or close to it, here are a few suggestions for making this a more effective interaction.

• Offer syndication. RSS feeds will generally help in spreading the word.

• Be both informational and personal; blog posts are more personal in nature than are articles or websites that are more purely informational.

• He consistent in style and format. It will help brand your blog as unique-not unlike McDonald's; readers will know what to expect.

• Build your blog and your posts around a theme. Posts unrelated to the theme are generally perceived as noise and are likely to lose you readers.

• Reply to comments. Dialogue.

• Track statistics so you can get insight into the posts that are read often and those that aren't.

• Create attractive titles and relevant identifying labels. Make it as easy as possible for others to retrieve your materials.

Social Workplace Networking

Perhaps the social media that comes first to mind is Facebook, by far the largest of the social networking sites. But, Google+ and Myspace serve similar purposes as do numerous others. LinkedIn and Plaxo, on the other hand, serve mainly business purposes-for example, getting a job or promotion, finding likely candidates for a job, networking, or mentoring. Despite these differences, some similar suggestions govern effective relationships and communication in these types of sites.

·       Be careful of uploading photos that will reflect on you negatively, especially with alcohol or drugs. Interesting enough, one research student found that 85% of 225 profiles examined (average age 19.9 years) make alcohol references.

·       Be positive about your current position. Complaining about your job online for all to see is likely to make management less positive toward you and also to lead prospective employers to see you as a complainer and someone who would be critical of the new organization as well.

·       Avoid revealing any negative work habits or discussing inappropriate workplace behavior-even if (especially if) you think it's funny.

·       Use the Friends List or the Googles Circles to distinguish the people you want to see certain information and those you wouldn't. But, remember, again, that anyone who receives your message can post it to anyone, even those you’d rather not see it.

·       Give your social network profile even more attention than you give to dressing up for a long-anticipated face-to-face date. After all, a lot more people are going to see your online profile than the way you dressed for a date.

·       Keep your posts (at least on Facebook and Google+) personal and informative. Avoid promoting any commercial enterprise.

·       Poke and tag in moderation. Learn first the norms of the group with which you're communicating.

·       Avoid asking to be friends with anyone you think may have difficulty with your seeing their more personal side.

Theories of Interpersonal Communication and Relationships

Several theories offer insight into why and how people develop and dissolve relationships.

Here we'll examine three such theories: attraction, relationship rules, and social exchange and equity.

ATTRACTION THEORY

Attraction theory holds that people form relationships on the basis of attraction. You are no doubt drawn, or attracted, to some people and not attracted to others. In a similar way, some people are attracted to you and some are not.

If you're like most people, you're attracted to others on the basis of five major factors:

Physical attractiveness and personality: It's easily appreciated that people like physically attractive people more than they like physically unattractive people. What isn't too obvious is that we also feel a greater sense of familiarity with more attractive people than with less attractive people; that is, we're more likely to think we've met a person before if that person is attractive. Additionally, you probably tend to like people who have a pleasant rather than an unpleasant personality, although people differ on what is an attractive personality to them and what isn't The fact that different people find different personality characteristics attractive, that there does seem to be someone for everyone, may be a comforting thought.

Similarity: According to the principle of similarity, if you could construct your male, it's likely that your mate would look, act, and think very much like you. Generally, people like those who are similar to them in nationality, race, abilities, physical characteristics, intelligence, and attitudes. Sometimes people are attracted to their opposites, in a pattern called complementarity: for example, a dominant person might be attracted to someone who is more submissive. Generally, however, people prefer those who are similar.

Proximity: If you look around at people you find attractive, you will probably find that they are the people who live or work close to you. People who become friends are the people who have had the greatest opportunity to interact with each other.

Reinforcement: You're attracted to people who give rewards or reinforcements, which can range from a simple compliment to an expensive cruise. You're also attracted to people you reward. That is, you come to like people for whom you do favors.

Reciprocity of liking: You tend to be attracted to people you think are attracted to you; you come to like those who you think like you. We initiate potential friendships and romantic relationships with people who we think like us, certainly not with those we think dislike us. There is even evidence to show that people like "likers"-people who like others generally-more than they like people who don't express such liking.

RELATIONSHIP RULES THEORY

You can gain an interesting perspective on interpersonal relationships by looking at them in terms of the rules that govern them. The general assumption of rules theory is that relationships-friendship, love, family, and work-are held together by adherence to certain rules. When those rules are broken, the relationship may deteriorate and even dissolve. Relationship rules theory helps to clarify several aspects of relationships. First, these rules help you identify successful versus destructive relationship behavior. By looking at the rules of a relationship, you can better identify the reasons a relationship is in trouble (i.e., what rules were broken) and how it may be repaired (i.e., what rules need to be reinforced and honored). Second, if you know what the rules are, you will be better able to master the social skills involved in developing and maintaining relationships.

Friendship Rules

According to friendship rules theory, maintaining a friendship depends on your knowing the rules and having the ability to apply the appropriate interpersonal skills that friendships require. Friendship rules include such behaviors as standing up for your friend in his or her absence, sharing information and feelings about successes, demonstrating emotional support for your friend, trusting and offering to help your friend when in need, and trying to make your friend happy when you're together. When these and other rules are followed, the friendship is strong and mutually satisfying. When the rules are broken, the friendship suffers and may die.

Romantic Rules

Romantic relationships may also be viewed from a rules perspective. For example, one research study identified some of the rules that romantic relationships establish and follow. These rules keep the relationship together-or, when broken, lead to deterioration and eventually dissolution.

The general assumption here is that if people are in a close romantic relationship then they should follow these rules:

• acknowledge each other's individual identities and lives beyond the relationship,

• express similar attitudes, beliefs, values, and interests.

• enhance each other's self-worth and self-esteem.

• be open, genuine, and authentic with each other.

• remain loyal and faithful to each other.

• have substantial shared time together.

• reap rewards commensurate with their investments relative to the other party,

• experience a mysterious and inexplicable "magic" in each other's presence.

Family Rules

Family communication research also points to the importance of rules in defining and maintaining the family. Like the rules of friends and lovers, family rules tell you which behaviors will be rewarded (and therefore what you should do) and which will be punished (what you should not do), Rules also provide a kind of structure that defines the family as a cohesive unit and that distinguishes it from other similar families.

Family rules encompass three main interpersonal communication issues:

·       What can you talk about? Can you talk about the family finances? Grandpa's drinking? Your sister's lifestyle?

·       How can you talk about something? Can you joke about your brother's disability! Can you address directly questions of family history and family skeletons?

·       To whom can you talk? Can you talk openly to extended family members such as cousins and aunts and uncles? Can you talk to close neighbors about family health issues?

Workplace Rules

Rules also govern your workplace relationships. These rules are usually a part of the corporate culture that an employee would learn from observing other employees (especially those who move lip the hierarchy) as well as from official memos on dress, sexual harassment, and the like. Of course, each organization will have different rules, so it's important to see what rules are operating in any given situation.

These are among the rules that you might find:

·       Work very hard.

·       Be cooperative in teams; the good of the company comes first

·       Don't reveal company policies and plans to workers at competing firms.

·       Don't form romantic relationships with other workers.

·       Avoid even the hint of sexual harassment.

SOCIAL EXCHANGE AND EQUITY THEORY

Social exchange theory claims that you develop relationships that will enable you to maximize your profits - a theory based on an economic model of profits and losses. And, although the theory was formulated before social media, you'll see that it applies equally well to Facebook and Google+ relationships, for example. The theory begins with a simple-equation: Profits =Rewards - Costs. Rewards are anything that you would incur costs to obtain. Research has identified six types of rewards in a relationship: money, status, love, information, goods, and services. For example, to get the reward of money you might have to work rather than play. To earn (the status of) an A in an interpersonal communication course, you might have to write a term paper or study more than you want to. Costs are things that you normally try to avoid, that-you consider unpleasant or difficult. Examples might include working overtime, washing dishes and ironing clothes, watching your partner's favorite television show that you find boring, or doing favors for those you dislike. Equity theory uses the ideas of social exchange but goes a step farther and claims that you develop and maintain relationships in which the ratio of your rewards relative to your costs is approximately equal to your partner's. For example, if you and a friend start a business and you put up two-thirds of the money and your friend puts up one-third, equity would demand that you get two-thirds of the profits and your friend get one-third. An equitable relationship, then, is simply one in which each party derives rewards that are proportional to their costs. If you contribute more to the relationship than your partner, then equity requires that you should get greater rewards. If you both work equally hard, then equity demands that you should get approximately equal rewards. You also see the demand for equity in online relationships; if you indicate "like" or "+ 1» to a friend's photos or posts, you expect reciprocity; you expect equity. In fact social media have rather strict, though "unwritten, equity expectations. Equity theory puts into clear focus the sources of relational dissatisfaction seen very day. For example, in a relationship both partners may have full-time jobs, but one partner may also be expected to do the major share of the household chores. Thus, although both may be deriving equal rewards-they have equally good cars, they live in the same three-bedroom house, and so on-one partner is paying more of the costs. According to equity theory, this partner will be dissatisfied. Equity theory claims that-you will develop, maintain, and be satisfied with relationships that are equitable. You will not develop, will be dissatisfied with, and will eventually terminate relationships that are inequitable. The greater the inequity, the greater the dissatisfaction, and the greater the likelihood that the relationship will end.

A parasitic relationship is one in which one member of the association benefits while the other is harmed. A symbiotic relationship is one of mutual benefit or dependence. Parasocial relationships are one-sided relationships, where one person extends emotional energy, interest and time, and the other party, the persona, is completely unaware of the other’s existence. Parasocial relationships are most common with celebrities, organizations (such as sports teams) or television stars. A mutual relationship is one in which the people in it have common interests/goals of the relationship.

Practice Quiz

1. The most general function served by interpersonal relationships is __________.

A) maximizing pleasure and minimizing pain

B) helping you learn more about yourself

C) making you healthier, both physically and emotionally

D) enhancing your self-esteem

2. Which of the following statements about interpersonal relationships is correct?

A) Close relationships decrease your obligations to other people.

B) The closer your relationships, the easier they are to dissolve.

C) Close relationships decrease your duty for self-disclosure.

D) Close relationships can lead you to abandon other relationships.

3. What is the first stage of a relationship?

A) repair

B) contact

C) dissolution

D) involvement

4. Which of the following statements are you most likely to make to someone when you are in the involvement stage of a relationship?

A) “Hi, my name is Terry.”

B) “Do you mind if I sit here?”

C) “Let’s have lunch! Do you like pizza?”

D) “Hey, are you new here?”

5. Which of the following BEST illustrates the intrapersonal dissatisfaction stage of a relationship?

A) Ken has been hanging out with Randy for a few weeks now, but in the past few days he’s really becoming annoyed with Randy’s nasal laugh.

B) Dixon and Mae used to send each other dozens of texts each day; now, though, they send each other only two or three.

C) Kelli notices a new guy in class is wearing a Taylor Swift t-shirt. Since Kelli hates Taylor Swift’s music, she does not bother even approaching him to say hello since she is sure she has nothing in common with him.

D) After ten years of marriage and much intense discussion, Thalia and Maurice have decided to get a divorce.

6. Ann and Matt have been married for five years, but they’ve spent the past six months arguing much of the time. To try to work things out, they’ve agreed to see a marriage counselor. It appears that this relationship is in the __________ phase.

A) intrapersonal repair

B) interpersonal separation

C) interpersonal repair

D) public separation

7. Richard and Kinsley are co-workers. They eat lunch together most days and enjoy chatting with each other, but they do not see each other away from work. When Richard takes a new job, he does not stay in touch with Kinsley. Their relationship can probably BEST be described as a __________.

A) top-down relationship

B) friendship of reciprocity

C) social contact

D) friendship of association

8. Teenagers Bella and Edward are in love. They constantly send each other notes and texts expressing their feelings for one another. If Bella does not hear from Edward after a half-hour or so, she becomes worried; if Edward sees Bella glance at another boy, he feels jealous. It appears that these two are experiencing __________ love.

A) agapic

B) manic

C) ludic

D) pragma

9. Men indicate a preference for this type of love.

A) erotic and ludic

B) storgic and manic

C) pragmatic and storgic

D) manic and agapic

10. Which of the following primary relationships could BEST be described as separates?

A) Karl and Chris value their relationship and spend a lot of time together. But they also have their own individual friends and sometimes run in different social circles. They strongly differ politically but are able to discuss their differences in a mature way.

B) Tien and Roger are both deeply committed to their relationship. They share most of the same beliefs and love being together. For example, they would never dream of going to a party without the other in tow.

C) Kim and Max live together but see each other mostly at mealtimes. Their worldviews are completely different. Though they both contribute to the household chores, they sleep in different rooms and almost never spend any social time together.

D) Lydia and Pat have been together so long they no longer see themselves as individuals—they see themselves as a blending of two into one. They know each other so well they often finish each other’s sentences.

11. Dinnertime at the Anderson house is a lively affair. Family members openly discuss their ideas and their views about current issues. Though they sometimes disagree with one another, every family member feels secure enough to express his or her views. It appears that the Andersons are a __________ family.

A) consensual

B) protective

C) laissez-faire

D) pluralistic

12. Francesca has just been hired as an editor at a publishing company. Ari has worked as an editor for five years. He spends some time with Francesca to “show her the ropes” of the publishing industry. This would appear to be a __________ relationship.

A) networking

B) mentoring

C) impersonal

D) protective

13. Mohammad has made an expensive mistake at work and his boss, Tate, becomes so angry that he calls Mohammad a “fool.” Until this incident, Tate has always been cordial to Mohammad. Going forward, Tate never again speaks to Mohammad this way. Why would it be incorrect to characterize Tate’s behavior as bullying?

A) Tate’s insulting comment was an isolated incident.

B) Tate is the boss, so he can speak to Mohammad however he wants.

C) Mohammad made a costly error; Tate was justified in being angry.

D) The remark did not focus on Mohammad’s gender or race, so by definition it is not bullying.

14. Jeff is a new Twitter user. Which of the following would be a good piece of advice for him?

A) Always use your entire allotment of 140 characters if you can.

B) Tweet about absolutely everything that interests you.

C) Retweet if you wish to be retweeted.

D) Use “fast following” tools to simplify the experience.

15. Geoff and Jordan have been dating for two years now. They both have red hair and slender builds; they both love camping and hiking; and they are both politically conservative. Their relationship seems to confirm the principle of __________.

A) similarity

B) physical attractiveness

C) politeness

D) reciprocity of liking

16. Which of the following situations is an example of the principle of proximity?

A) Jorge thinks Qian is the most beautiful woman he has ever seen; he immediately begins trying to find a way to make friends with her.

B) Connie is intrigued with Asher because he seems to be everything she is not: he is outgoing rather than shy; loves sports more than books and music; and enjoys cooking, while she hates being in the kitchen.

C) After working together in the same office for three years, Martina and Dean began dating.

D) Because D’Juan never misses an opportunity to compliment Precious about her intelligence, beauty, and strength, she has begun to like D’Juan very much.

17. Which of these situations appears to violate the commonly accepted relationship rules?

A) Lexie and Emilio try to eat dinner together every night, and they try to get a babysitter at least twice a month so they can have some time together without the kids.

B) Harmony thinks Nyla’s shirt clashes with her slacks, and is not afraid to tell her so (politely, of course).

C) Mark asks Brooke for a date but Brooke courteously refuses; after all, she is engaged to marry Yao in just a few months.

D) Betty insists on going with Lars everywhere he goes, even if it is an event she has no interest in.

18. You would likely be in violation of workplace rules if you __________.

A) worked overtime when asked to do so

B) told a competitor about happenings in your office

C) did not socialize with your co-workers after hours

D) reported a suspected case of sexual harassment

19. __________ theory claims that you develop relationships that will enable you to maximize your profits.

A) Social exchange

B) Objectivist

C) Socio-economic

D) Mentoring

20. In some cultures, your parents choose your romantic partner for you.

A) True

B) False

21. Lincoln has unfriended Julianna on Facebook. It appears that their relationship has entered the repair phase.

A) True

B) False

22. A difference in status is essential for the friendship of receptivity to develop.

A) True

B) False

23. Conformity-orientation refers to the degree to which family members express similar or dissimilar attitudes, values, and beliefs.

A) True

B) False

24. The general assumption of rules theory is that each relationship is different and develops its own unique set of rules.

A) True

B) False

25. Research shows that this is the most important contributor to human happiness.

A) a satisfying job

B) a close interpersonal relationship

C) an advanced degree

D) plenty of money

26. Marci was so involved in her favorite television program that she actually grieved when one of the characters on the show was “killed off.” It appears that Marci had a(n) __________ relationship with this character.

A) parasitic

B) symbiotic

C) parasocial

D) mutual

27. Which of the following statements about interpersonal relationships is false?

A) Close relationships put pressure on you to self-disclose.

B) Close relationships decrease your obligations to other people.

C) The closer your relationships, the more emotionally difficult they are to dissolve.

D) Healthy interpersonal relationships can enhance your own self-esteem.

28. In which of the following scenarios is perceptual contact being made?

A) Rafe looks over photos of potential matches on an online dating site.

B) Jill approaches a good-looking stranger at the bar and offers to buy them both a drink.

C) Flynn asks Veronica where she would like to go for dinner.

D) Ms. Morgan tells Vito to finish his report by noon.

29. You decide to follow a classmate on Twitter. You are likely in the __________ stage of your relationship with that person.

A) contact

B) involvement

C) deterioration

D) repair

30. After dating your partner for a while, you change your Facebook status from Single to In a Relationship. It appears that you have entered the __________ phase of your relationship.

A) interpersonal commitment

B) involvement

C) interactional contact

D) social bonding

31. Which of the following is a clue that Roy and Cindy’s relationship has entered the deterioration phase?

A) They decide to talk to their pastor about their relationship problems.

B) They do not send each other as many texts and e-mails as they did when they began their relationship.

C) Cindy moves out of their apartment and back into her parent’s home.

D) They share more and more of their private thoughts and feelings with each other.

32. The last stage in the relationship model is __________.

A) repair

B) lateral communication

C) dissolution

D) feedback

33. In the friendship of __________, each individual shares equally in giving and receiving the benefits and rewards of the relationship.

A) receptivity

B) association

C) reciprocity

D) symbiosis

34. Braelyn is most interested in dating the best-looking guys she can find. That is her number one–some say her only—criterion for a partner. It appears that Braelyn is most interested in pursuing __________ love.

A) ludic

B) storge

C) pragma

D) eros

35. Love that is compassionate and selfless, offered without concern for personal reward or gain, is called __________ love.

A) agapic

B) reciprocal

C) unrequited

D) manic

36. Which of the following statements accurately reflects changes in the modern American family?

A) The size of the American family is growing dramatically.

B) Fewer adults are married today than a decade ago.

C) The number of one-person households is declining.

D) There are fewer mixed race families today than in decades past.

37. A__________ relationship is a relationship between two people that the partners see as their most important interpersonal relationship.

A) primary

B) lateral

C) traditional

D) love

38. Members of the Diaz family like to tell one another about their day and about what is on their mind. Mostly, family members see eye-to-eye on things. They tend to avoid talking about issues they have found to cause arguments or disagreements. The Diaz family could probably be BEST described as a __________ family.

A) protective

B) pluralistic

C) consensual

D) laissez-faire

39. Noah is on the autism spectrum. Some of his classmates have created a web site about Noah with unflattering pictures and insulting comments about him and his behavior. They always make sure to e-mail Noah every time they post a new insult. Noah is the victim of __________.

A) flaming

B) cyberbullying

C) trolling

D) spamming

40. Yu Song enjoys blogging, but he could have more effective interactions if he would __________.

A) blog about lots of different topics instead of sticking to just one theme

B) stop including so much personal information in his posts

C) stop replying to readers who leave comments

D) track statistics

41. Based on research, it is likely that when Moses sees an attractive woman in the bookstore, he __________.

A) will turn away and not look at her again

B) may get the feeling that he has met her before

C) may conclude that she has a unattractive personality

D) will form an initial dislike of her

42. Which traditional saying is a good paraphrase of the concept of complementarity?

A) “Birds of a feather flock together.”

B) “You can draw more flies with honey than with vinegar.”

C) “Opposites attract.”

D) “Don’t look a gift horse in the mouth.”

43. If you do this, you are breaking a well-understood friendship rule.

A) remaining silent when others criticize your friend

B) sharing personal information about yourself with your friend

C) doing things you know will please your friend

D) offering to help your friend in a time of need

44. Which of the following would be considered a cost of having a relationship?

A) spending a relaxing evening with your friend on the couch watching your favorite movie

B) reassuring your friend that she looks good in that new dress

C) driving your friend to the airport at 5:00 on Saturday morning

D) getting a hug from your friend after not seeing him for a long time

45. Isolation contributes as much to mortality as high blood pressure, high cholesterol, obesity, and smoking.

A) True

B) False

46. In some cultures you simply cannot dissolve a relationship once it has been formed or once there are children.

A) True

B) False

47. The repair stage of a relationship always follows the deterioration phase.

A) True

B) False

48. Men indicate greater love than women do for their same-sex friends.

A) True

B) False

49. In networking, it is often recommended that you try to establish relationships that are mutually beneficial.

A) True

B) False

50. Mrs. Baxter really enjoys it when her young next-door neighbor, James, drops in for a chat. Mrs. Baxter does not get out much anymore, and James’s visits help her feel that someone cares about her. What benefit is Mrs. Baxter deriving from her relationship with James?

A) It helps to lessen her loneliness.

B) It eases the financial burdens she feels.

C) It provides her with a romantic partner.

D) It reduces the amount of time she spends on daily chores.

Chapter Quiz

1. Pat and Chris announce at a dinner with friends that they have decided to have a commitment ceremony. Pat’s and Chris’s announcement indicates a:

A) act of interpersonal commitment.

B) testing strategy.

C) act of social bonding.

D) All of the above.

2. “I love you” or “I want to marry you” are statements that would likely be said at which stage of relational development?

A) contact

B) involvement

C) intimacy

D) deterioration

3. All of the following are types of friendships identified in the book EXCEPT friendship of

A) reciprocity.

B) association.

C) childhood.

D) receptivity.

4. All of the following statements describe traditional couples EXCEPT that they:

A) share a basic belief system and philosophy.

B) see themselves as a blending of two persons into a single couple rather than as two separate individuals.

C) are interdependent and believe that each individual’s independence must be sacrificed for the good of the relationship.

D) are interdependent and believe that each individual’s independence must not be sacrificed for the good of the relationship.

5. Relationship rules theory helps people to:

A) maintain a strong bond with one another.

B) find common ground in establishing relationships.

C) clarify several aspects of relationships.

D) determine when they should terminate the relationship.

6. In romantic relationships, there are eight rules that can keep the relationship together—or, when broken, lead to deterioration and eventually dissolution. Which of the following is not one of them?

A) Acknowledge each other’s individual identities and lives beyond the relationship.

B) Be open, genuine, and authentic with each other.

C) Remain loyal and faithful to each other.

D) Do not have substantial shared time together.

7. The theory that uses the ideas of social exchange but goes a step farther and claims that you develop and maintain relationships in which the ratio of rewards relative to your costs is approximately equal to your partner’s is called __________ theory.

A) equity

B) intimate

C) relationship

D) social penetration

8. Families that are high in conversation and high in conformity are called __________ families.

A) consensual

B) protective.

C) pluralistic

D) laissez-faire

9. Families that are high in conformity and low in conversation are called __________ families.

A) consensual

B) protective

C) pluralistic

D) laissez-faire

10. One advantage of online relationships is that they reduce the importance of physical characteristics.

A) True

B) False

11. On their second date, Colby and Mac spend a considerable amount of time talking about their pasts, revealing their likes and dislikes, and exploring their compatibilities. Colby’s and Mac’s interactions are indicative of which stage of relationships development?

A) contact

B) involvement

C) intimacy

D) dissolution

12. The contact stage does not involve interactional and perceptual processes.

A) True

B) False

13. During the involvement stage, your text messaging and Facebook interactions may intensify.

A) True

B) False

14. Manic love is a peaceful and tranquil love.

A) True

B) False

15. Some partners may pause during deterioration and try to seek repair, while others may progress without stopping to dissolution.

A) True

B) False

16. Conformity-orientation refers to the degree to which family members can speak their minds.

A) True

B) False

17. Agapic love is compassionate and selfless.

A) True

B) False

18. According to rules theory, romantic partners should acknowledge each other’s individual identities and lives beyond the relationship.

A) True

B) False

19. Bullying is a behavior that has become a pattern.

A) True

B) False

20. According to the principle of similarity, if you could construct your mate, it’s likely that your mate would look, act, and think very much like you.

A) True

B) False

21.  If Simon wants to manage his relationships on Facebook effectively, he will __________.

A)   upload every funny picture of his friends that he can get his hands on

B)    send friend requests to everyone he knows, no matter how distant the acquaintance

C)    poke and tag his friends all day long

D)   use the Friends List to distinguish the people he wants to see certain information

22. Conversation-orientation refers to the degree to which family members can speak their mind.

A)   True

B)    False

23. Family rules are usually unconcerned with __________.

A)   what family members can talk about

B)    how family members can talk about something

C)    to whom family members can talk

D)   how long family members can talk

24. Healthy interpersonal relationships help enhance self-esteem and self-worth.

A)   True

B)    False

25. The intrapersonal repair phase is the stage of negotiating new agreements and behaviors.

A)   True

B)    False

26. These families stress agreement and strive to avoid conflict, but with little communication.

A)   laissez-faire

B)    pluralistic

C)    protective

D)   consensual

27. If Amaya is a pragma lover, she will likely __________.

A)   try to find the best-looking available partner she can get

B)    be extremely jealous and expect her partners to “spoil” her and lavish her with attention

C)    be very concerned with a potential partner’s occupation, salary, and social status

D)   want to be “friends first” before taking a relationship to a more passionate level

28. Kay and Zane used to hold hands all the time, send messages to each other continually, and spend almost all their free time together. In the past few weeks, though, they are spending less time together and rarely hold hands or kiss. It appears that their relationship has reached the __________ phase.

A)   public separation

B)    interpersonal deterioration

C)    interactional dissolution

D)   intrapersonal dissatisfaction

29. Which of the following is one way the American family has been changing in recent decades?

A)   Women are marrying later than in previous years.

B)    The percentage of one-person households has been in sharp decline.

C)    The average size of the family has been increasing rapidly.

D)   Fewer unmarried women are having children.

30. The relationship __________ stage is characterized by a weakening of the bonds between friends or lovers.

A)   repair

B)    dissolution

C)    deterioration

D)   feedforward

31. Makenzie contends that online relationships cannot truly be “intimate.” What is the correct response to Makenzie?

A)   You tell her she is incorrect because intimacy is essentially an emotional/communication connection.

B)    You agree with her because intimacy relies on both verbal and nonverbal communication.

C)    You explain that she is incorrect because perceptual contact is possible online as well as face-to-face

D)   You agree with her because intimate relationships, by their nature, involve physical contact.

32. A friendship of receptivity is undesirable because one person is giving and the other is taking.

A)   True

B)    False

33. Which two relationship stages constitute relationship development?

A)   contact and intimacy

B)    involvement and intimacy

C)    contact and involvement

D)   intimacy and deterioration

34. Bob and Teresa are deeply in love, but they also spend plenty of time pursuing their own interests. Bob loves to play bridge; Teresa is an avid hiker and camper. Of course, they also enjoy each other’s company a great deal; many evenings find them together at dinner, watching TV, or simply sharing their thoughts. How would Bob and Teresa BEST be characterized?

A)   independents

B)    separates

C)    traditional couple

D)   loners

35.  Antonio knows that his chronic lateness really bothers Keegan. They have had several arguments lately about this issue. Antonio decides he will make an effort to be on time, in order to please Keegan. Antonio’s behavior is characteristic of the __________ phase.

A)   intrapersonal repair

B)    interpersonal separation

C)    interpersonal repair

D)   intrapersonal dissatisfaction

36. One advantage of online relationships is that they reduce the importance of physical characteristics.

A)   True

B)    False

37. Jon has just met Dallas at a sports bar. “Hey, did you go to school around here?” he asks Dallas. This is an example of __________.

A)   interactional contact

B)    peripheral involvement

C)    perceptual contact

D)   intentional involvement

38. In the friendship of __________, there is an imbalance in giving and receiving.

A)   receptivity

B)    association

C)    reciprocity

D)   mutuality

39. Research shows that interpersonal relationships __________.

A)   have no impact on one’s physical health

B)    put pressure on you to self-disclose

C)    tend to free up your time, allowing you to pursue still more relationships

D)   are usually not difficult to dissolve

40. Barney dates lots of women. It seems that he has a new girlfriend every couple of weeks. He has a lot of fun, but he never really lets himself get too emotionally involved with any of his partners. Barney seems to be practicing __________ love.

A)   pragma

B)    agapic

C)    manic

D)   ludic

41. Babette always makes a point of saying something nice about Walter. She compliments him on his new tie, notices when he loses a couple of pounds, and tells him the cookies he brought in for break time were delicious. Because of the principle of __________, Walter is really starting to like Babette.

A)   reinforcement

B)    similarity

C)    physical attractiveness

D)   complementarity

42. What is the general attitude of most companies toward office romances?

A)   Management usually encourages workplace romances because they can lead to greater work satisfaction among employees.

B)    Management generally discourages office romances because they can disrupt the work environment.

C)    Management usually takes a neutral stance toward office romances, reasoning that adults can make their own decisions about their private lives.

D)   Virtually every company in the United States explicitly forbids workplace romances; they are almost always grounds for dismissal.

43. Rick is trying to learn how to reupholster his car. He begins asking everyone he knows if they can point him to some good information sources, or if they have any first-hand knowledge of how to do this. Rick is engaging in __________.

A)   tutoring

B)    networking

C)    mentoring

D)   brainstorming

44. How is storge love similar to ludic love?

A)   both are obsessive and jealous

B)    both lack passion and intensity

C)    both focus almost exclusively on physical attractiveness

D)   both are preferred by men and disliked by women

45. Both Reed and Amanda work full-time jobs, but it seems that Amanda does almost all the housework. In the evenings, Amanda cooks, cleans, and does laundry while Reed watches TV or reads. According to __________ theory, Amanda is probably very dissatisfied with this relationship.

A)   top-down

B)    social exchange

C)    equity

D)   consensus